Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Figuring out the camera

Yea, I think I am doing pretty good. I don't have much spare time to go out and take lots and lots of pics with the new camera (Nikon D90), and I haven't figured out how to use the movie option either. But I have taken a few good pics.  I bought a Nikon D90 for dummies book and it has helped a bit.  Looking forward to "finding" some spare time to shoot some more pics...(this pic is un-retouched)

I really have to put some more pics on here...especially when I am bored and waiting for the next cycle of fertility mess...

Friday, May 21, 2010

Infertility and Secondary Infertility

So, as you all know I am having a rough time getting pregnant again.  The first time around was no cake walk either.  When I was 19 I was told that I would never have children.  Then after seeing a doctor once I got stationed in Italy (3 years later, I was 23ish) I was told I would have to see a fertility specialist when we moved back to the US.  A bit over 2 years after that we got pregnant with Chloe.  I must have spontaneously ovulated. 

Since then it has been a battle.  Infertility is defined as:  Not able to conceive after a year of regular intercourse without contraception. Secondary infertility refers to a couple who has successfully had children in the past, but when they try to have more children, they are unable to achieve pregnancy after one year of unprotected sex. 

I got a little upset the other day when a friend compared me to other women who had problems TTC #2.  One women tried for 8 months, and once she had figured out she ovulated later than she thought she ended up pregnant.  Lucky lady!  Here I sit with 3+ years under my belt (and that is just how long we've been TTC#2, we haven't ever prevented pregnancy in our whole relationship = 11+ years).  I hope my friend isn't mad at me for writing all of this on here, but I just wanted to get this out there to make sure that people know that just because you already have a child doesn't mean that you are not infertile (my OB thought this also and he thought it would just take time since I already had a child, well I wasted almost 3 years of my life with him), I suffered from primary infertility for over 5 years and then a miracle happened, my little girl.  And now I suffer from secondary infertility and I am trying to beat it.  Trying my best...and trying not to go insane in the process.

Sometimes it might take a women a little longer than she thinks...especially if she has not pinpointed ovulation.  Just because you have a 28 day cycle that doesn't mean that you ovulate on cd14.  Some women ovulate on cd16 or even cd18.  If you know you are ovulating, the best way to try for pregnancy is to have "relations" every other day.  That way the "guys" can build back up...;)  I had a feeling I wasn'[t ovulating...well, I knew I wasn't all the months I didn't have a cycle.  But the months I was having a cycle I thought I had a chance...well, nope.  No ovulation there either. 

So here I sit.  Waiting and waiting for the next step...then once that begins I have 2 weeks on BCP and then Lupron (for down regulation) and then I can start the injectable drugs yet again.  Hopefully the result is a bit better this time and I don't become a follicle farm again.  Something else that we might try if we have time before the November IVF cycle is Femara, I have read success stories of women with PCOS that tried it after Clomid failed to help them ovulate.  And one of the ladies on one of my message boards got her BFP on it while she was waiting to save for IVF.  She gave me a lot of hope! 

The timeline for all of this is up in the air.  My injectable cycles take a looooong time, but if this works this time and doesn't get cancelled and I actually ovulate, I think I have a great chance.  That has to be the issue...Fingers crossed! 

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

IVF Consultation today....here is how it went!

So we arrived at the RE's office a bit early, but then a couple ran in late for an appoinment...bah!  So our appointment started late.  Booo.  The RE came in and sat down and said that I am an anomaly, which is "One that is peculiar, irregular, abnormal, or difficult to classify."  With a case like mine (which I guess he doesn't see too often) it is almost impossible to get my ovaries to not overstimulate (that is why I was hurting so bad on Friday!).  Anyway, he explained that all of the drugs we have tried have overstimulated me (the follicles never were mature on Clomid = so other than the m/c in September last year I am Clomid resistant).  The FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) that he put me on was the lowest dosage that he prescribes and I still overstimulated.  He took me off of it and the follies stopped growing but if he had kept me on it my E2 levels showed that I would have had way too many and risked HOM (high order multiples) and then we ran the risk of having to reduce pregnancies.   

So he gave us 4 options: 
1.  Another injectables cycle with an even lower dose of FSH
2.  IVF (he recommended 1 fresh cycle and guesses I will produce 15-20 follies so we should have many to freeze)
3.  Adoption
4.  Be done with our family. <--Yea, not my favorite answer...but whatever.

So I am all for IVF.  The cost is a lot less than I was expecting!  Plus since I don't need as many drugs as "normal" women do that cuts the cost too.  The next IVF cycle through his clinic is in September, which I can't do as I will (should) be traveling to New Orleans for a couple weeks for the Navy.  The next cycle after that is in November.  I think we will do another injectables cycle (with the lower dosage) and see how that goes.  If I overstimulate yet again I will probably just go on the pill until the November IVF cycle.  Unless teh RE has another plan to try.

The RE is very confident.  He gave us the stats on the success rates and they were awesome!  Just for comparison the injectables cycle will be about a 15% chance (normal pregnancy is around this) and an IVF cycle (of a couple that has never been pregnant) is over 65%.  Maybe we can fit 2 injectables cycles in there before IVF (ugh, forgot about the trip I will have to work out those dates and see if we can fit it in...)

So...now is the time to round up the money, and sock a lot of money away to be able to pay for this...thankfully I have been saving a little here and there.  Doesn't look like we are gong on that trip to Venice we were planning on next year...we'll see... 

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

IVF Consultation

Well, the consultation is tomorrow.  I never thought it would get to this.  It is crazy to think that I have only been going to the fertility doctor since January.  I look back and I should've asked to be referred much earlier.  My OB had no clue. 

I have written down some questions to ask, but my doc is pretty informative, just wondering if DH is going to have a hard time keeping up.  I hope not.  We will have to talk to the billing office at the clinic also I would imagine, maybe they can steer us towards a good finance company...DH made a great point when I told him I thought we couldn't afford IVF, he said that we'll be paying for a child for the rest of his or her life anyway so why not go ahead?  I agreed...

You know what?  I am happy to move on.  All those months (YEARS!) spent TTC have weighed heavily on me.  I have started to feel defeated and let down.  But now there is a light at the end of the tunnel!   

At least this way we can pay for 3 cycles of IVF and if we don't bring home a baby from those 3 cycles we get 90% of our money back.  Nice... 

I will write another blog tomorrow after the appt...excited and nervous...;) 

Monday, May 17, 2010

IVF anyone?

Well...we have 2 choices.  Either do another cycle like we just did which will take almost 2 months or consult with the RE for IVF.  We decided to do both (unless we can get IVF before another superovulation cycle).  We will find the money!  The money tree has been planted, just needs some fertilizer and lots of water. 

Everything I have read and heard from the clinic states that women with PCOS run a much higher risk of producing waaaaay too many follicles (uh, yea, that is me) and cycles get cancelled.  I am not sure I can handle another cancelled cycle!  Today was horrible.  I honestly feel like a worthless pile of poo.  I feel broken.  I see the pain in my husband's eyes...we wanted more than 1 child!  We didn't agree on the numbers (him - 4, me - 2), so we agreed on 3.  That was as soon as we got married and here we are 10+ years later with 1 awesome little girl.  She is the best thing that happened to me (us) but I know that our family is not complete. 

As of right now (haven't had the IVF consult yet) it is looking like we will do the VIP (vested interest program) at my RE's office.  We will get 90% of our $ back if we go through 3 cycles of IVF and don't end up with a baby.  I have to research it a bit more but I remember reading something about miscarriages don't count against us...but I am doubtful about that aspect...

So whatever it takes, I am ready.  Bring it on.  I will conquer you infertility!  You are going down!

And the neverending TTC drama continues

Well I just stopped crying after crying for a solid hour and a half. Yea, the appt didn't go as we had hoped. So I was nervous because it could have gone either way - too many follies or too little follies to go ahead with the IUI tomorrow. Well...the follies stopped growing. The nurse said that I might have already ovulated (yea, but they told us not to bd just in case there were too many follies today so that screwed that all up, and I had EWCM yesterday and sore nipples so I am pretty sure I O'd - but we probably missed it).

The RE had me stop taking the injectable drug on Thursday night, the nurse said that the RE was hoping that some of the follies kept growing. So after the u/s the nurse asked if we had any questions and DH said yes actually we do. (At this point I was already crying) DH said that this is extremely frustrating, we went through 6 cycles of Clomid (2 monitored by the RE, 4 unmonitored by the OB) and every time nothing...no sign of ovulation (minus the m/c in Sep with the OB). Now we spend a lot of money on these injectables (because our insurance won't pay for them if we have IUI or IVF) and this cycle gets cancelled too. She explained that it is really hard with PCOS and injectables not to get an overproduction. Well...I would rather have a chance! Anyway, she also told us that there are women that donate the drugs they didn't use, and that they would try to get us some so we can go ahead with the IUI instead of timed intercourse.

This whole mess just makes me so mad and sad...It has been a month and a half since this cycle started and I don't even have a freaking O. I am so tired of all of this. January of 2009 I vowed to myself that I wouldn't give up again (in the 4 years TTC#2 I have given up 3 or 4 times). Why is all I ask? What did I do or not do? People tell me that "everything happens for a reason" or "it must not be in God's plan" or "maybe you were meant to have only one child", well, you know what?  I don't care.  It is in my plan and I will try this whole mess again.

Now I am waiting for the RE's office to call back and tell me the new plan. I am hoping that I don't have to go on BCP for a month...but that probably won't be decided until I get a baseline u/s after AF shows....which probably won't show without drugs anyway...so the wait is on for the phone call.

At what point am I supposed to give up anyway? I am wondering if the nurse is going to recommend I see a infertility therapist...the way I reacted today I would not doubt it. Just a freaking mess I was...I hate crying.

How are you supposed to just give up on something like this? My family is not complete, I feel that every single day...I don't go a day without thinking about baby #2...which in all actuality was due 2 days ago, I mourn for that loss and I hope to have that chance for another pregnancy, this time a healthy pregnancy with a healthy child that comes of it...

Friday, May 14, 2010

Follie check

Oh, the never ending Erica and her ovaries drama...shoot me now...

My lining was great (measured 14mm), and then the follie scan started...there weren't any 16mm or over, the largest was 14.5mm, but there were 17 follies between 12mm and 14.5mm! And there were 35 under 10mm. Whoa follies! No wonder my womanly parts have been hurting and Tylenol hasn't been helping... I was trying to keep positive about it and I joked to the nurse that I would probably be a prime candidate for IVF, and she agreed. Yikes. They are going to call me back with the plan, so I am guessing they are going to start me back on Gonal-f to keep those follies growing, but they could also cancel the cycle for over production. That pisses me off because I paid for the meds out of pocket (because ins won't cover if meds if I have an IUI or IVF), I asked the billing office and the nurses if we could just do a cycle to see how it goes and do timed intercourse, but they wanted to do it this way. The only extra money they are getting is for the IUI and it isn't much. I want to scream and curse right now. I have to remember that it isn't over until I get that phone call saying that it is cancelled. I will try to keep the hope alive.

They gave me more drugs just in case I run out, I shouldn't run out before Monday, but we will see what happens...I hope I don't have to use theirs, wondering how much that is going to rack up on my cc bill. I need to win the lotto.

I need a money tree.  I want another child so much.  What do you do when you don't have the money to pay for IVF?  I don't want to take out a loan!  I should buy a lotto ticket (and I totally don't believe in the lotto). 
AFM - Got the call back from the nurse. First I want to say that before all this mess TTC#2 I was different ethically so don't think bad of me. Ok got that out.

The nurse said that the RE wants to cancel the cycle because of over production unless I am ok with selective reduction. That is something that DH and I didn't want to even think about unless it happened. Well, it has happened, we have triple the amount of follies that they are looking for. So the nurse needed an answer before she would go on. So I told her it is a very hard decision that we have talked about and we would do it for the safety of my life and the other babies. That tears me up inside, but if it is what has to be done then that is what has to be done. So we would have to reduce down to twins. Done with talking about that.  Not worried about judgement as DH and I are the ones that have to live with the decision...it will tear us up, but it is what it is.

So next she said no more injectable follicle stims (YAY!) So I keep taking the injections of Lupron (to hold of Oing) and then Sunday evening I take the hcg shot to induce O. I am freaking out right now. Trying so hard not to cry. So Monday is a VERY important day, I have yet another u/s to check follies, if there are waaaay too many mature ones then they will cancel the cycle and we are to not try to get pregnant until a new cycle starts, I am guessing that they will put me on drugs to induce that but I am not sure. If things look better and not too many of the follies mature then I will go in for the IUI on Tuesday. Another scenario that I just thought of is that the follies could stop growing,...too much could happen...

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Aaaah beer...

How I miss you.  Tasting your cool frothy goodness...and there are those that say "Well at least you aren't drinking for a good reason"...uh, yea?  It is not like I am pregnant.  Normal women can drink, but no!  I can't have a few more than a few because of Metformin.  I haven't had a drink in almost 5 months!  Silly Metformin, you are putting a huge damper on my relaxation technique.  Guess I have to find a new one.

The pic is from when Doug and I went to Oktoberfest in Munich, Germany.  I will not go to any other Oktoberfest since I have been to the real one.  That beer was so good. 

Oh my follies...

My appt today went as expected (well, as I expected because I am trying not to get my hopes up!), my lining was "beautiful" as the nurse said...but as for my my ovaries, ugh. The nurse said that we have to be very careful as there are many potential follies...so I am a bit scared. I don't want yet another cancelled cycle. Why can't I be normal??? I am so jealous of normal women.  How many other women out there have gone through this? Gosh...3+ years TTC (and 10+ not preventing!) that depresses me. Then I hear people say "at least you have your daughter", yes, I am grateful for her, she was our miracle, but don't make me feel bad because I want another!

Anyway, I saw that there were some follies that had grown, there are 2 on each ovary that measure 10mm. Something that bothered me is that the nurse counted all the small follies, she has to tell the doc about those too, makes me nervous. With PCOS and fertility drugs there is a HUGE chance of overstimulating and then they cancel the cycle...So based on my E2 levels (blood draw) they will call me back later with the plan for the next few days. The nurse guessed my next appt will be on Friday morning for another blood draw and u/s. Neverending it seems like...so...countdown to yet another appointment...

Monday, May 10, 2010

Monitoring appt

Well, my monitoring appointment went well...it is early in the process but everything looks good so far.  There was the triple stripe on my uterus, and there were a couple follies on each ovary that measured around 9mm (and there were more than a few smaller than that).  I am still waiting on a call to find out about my E2 levels, and then they will tell me when my next monitoring appointment will be.  The nurses best guess was Wednesday. 

Something that I didn't think was a big deal was that there aren't enough needles that came along with the Gonal f.  Each vial of the med came with 5 needles in a kit (box), I knew that there weren't enough needles, but thought I could just pick some up from Walgreen's.  Yea....no.  They are special needles with special measurements!  Aaack!  So after buying the wrong needles at Walgreen's I called the pharmacy I ordered the drugs from and I explained the situation.  First, they sent me the wrong thing (I wanted the multi dose pen which just needs needles but they sent me the multi dose vial which needs a syringe/needle).  Now the pharmacy tells me that the only way I can get that particular needle is to buy another kit.  What???  I am not ordering more drugs when all I need is the syringe/needle.  Ugh.  The vial is 450iu, I use 75iu twice a day, so that would mean I would need at least 6 needles...no clue how the pharmacy messed that up.  So they are sending me 10 more needles (to be safe), but they are insulin needles.  I hope they have the right measurements on them...they go by iu not units...  

Waiting waiting waiting for that call to see when the next appointment is...

Friday, May 7, 2010


So it happened.  After something like 14 days injecting myself (Lupron and now both Lupron and Gonal f), I hit a blood vessel when I injected yesterday morning.  No biggie I thought...yea, but my jeans rub on the bruise/knot and it is freaking irritating.  THEN there is no sharps containers here at work.  I went to ask the guy that deals with that stuff, yes they have some but they don't have lockable tops so they just can't leave them out.  What?!?!?  All these people that work here and none of them need that container?  I might have to raise a stink and get them to get at least one permanent one instead of sending me to the mother's room to shoot up (that room has a locked door and a key that I have to check out).  Like I need to see the stupid breast pump in that room.  It is like a reminder that my body isn't working right...blah...

I had a bad dream Wednesday night.  The dream was that Chloe (4 yo DD) found my Gonal f and injected tap water into it.  I woke up and I thought the dream was real.  Freaked me out.  Yea, that would have been a whole vial wasted.

On that note.  It is Friday.  3 more day until follie check.  Nervous.  I hope that the drugs work this time and that I won't have to pay out of pocket again for them.  And if they don't work I will be talking to the RE/nurses about not doing an IUI next time as I can't afford to keep paying for these drugs every month (no IUI = drugs paid for).

Have a great weekend everyone.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

This sucks

Yea...it sucks that I don't have to look far to find other women that blog about their infertility issues...it sucks because there are so many of us.  It makes me completely sad.  Thankfully I don't know many people in real life (IRL) that have these issues like I do.  The only other ladies I know IRL that have these issues are ladies on Doug's side of the family.  I feel for them and I wish I was closer so I could give them big hugs...;)

So, I found yet another blog that I will be watching...the gal has a post on there from yesterday that mentions adoption.  Do you know how many times someone has said to me "You can always adopt?"  Well, adoption isn't that easy.  First there is the expense, then there is the in home consultations, then the wait...who knows how long that wait could be?  Sandra Bullock adopted and do you know how long that took?  4 YEARS.  And she has a lot more $$ than I do...

On another note, I start Gonal f tomorrow.  I decided that I will mix it tonight as I don't want to have to wake up and do it.  7am comes awfully early when your head doesn't hit the pillow until 2am.  Praying that there is something going on in there and we can see some growth at my appointment on Monday.  Don't want yet another cancelled cycle...those are the worst!  I don't even get the chance to be in a 2ww.  I don't even get that slight chance that there could be a life growing inside of me.

Oh, and I am up to 11 followers!  ;)  I have to try to get this blog out there a bit more I think...if I can help just one lady with her PCOS issues...

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Appointment today u/s and E2 levels

My appointment this morning went well.  The nurse checked my uterine lining, it measured 4.5mm (they want it thin at this point), she then checked my ovaries - the cysts that are always there were much smaller this time (which is what they want to see), and my hormone levels proved that I am in "menopause".  The nurse called me back a couple of hours later to tell me the plan.  Tomorrow I lower my dosage of Lupron (from 20 units to 10 units) and I stay on that (once a day) until they tell me to stop.  Then Thursday I start Gonal f!  After stimming for 5 days I will do in on Monday to start follicle monitoring ultrasounds.  I am not sure how many ultrasounds I will have to have, but I am guessing at least one every couple days if not every day.  Hopefully my body responds well to these drugs.  Trying to think positive as I know it will probably hurt me more to be so negative all the time... 

Off to work I go...;)

Monday, May 3, 2010

Tomorrow tomorrow I love ya tomorrow

Ok...I hope I am not getting ahead of myself.  I am hoping that the appointment tomorrow goes well and I can start my FSH injections after my appointment.  I still have to do a bit of research and make sure I know what I am doing!  Lupron has been easy, a shot in the belly and then I go back to sleep.  Funny thing though, Saturday I didn't go back to sleep after my injection and I noticed a bit of a rash around the injection site.  Hummm...

Anyway, I am wondering how long I will have to be on the FSH (follicle stimulating hormones) before we start to see something happening.  I worry that I will have to order more FSH because the 9 day supply that the prescribed might not be enough.  I think it is 9 days: 75iu 2x a day, 450iu x 3 pkgs = 9 days.  Humph.  Pretty sure my math is right.  Yup, broke out the calculator.  9 days.  The average amount of day it takes is 8-10.  I am not usually average so I should probably get my mind ready on spending a bit more dough on this stuff this month.  :(

This has been the longest cycle EVER!  And it hasn't even started!  Come on down regulation! 

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Infertility Etiquette

I have looked all over the place to try and find this...it took a little bit, but I found it. I copied this post titled Infertility Etiquette from one of the blogs I watch, http://hcbishop.blogspot.com/2010/04/i-couldnt-pass-it-up.html 

I have one beautiful daughter, for that I am thankful, but before her I went through the same things I am now. I have heard all of the things described below and it is so hard not to react. I changed a little of the information to reflect my struggles with secondary infertility (in purple). Enjoy.

Infertility Etiquette

Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than seven million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.

Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.

The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.

As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money.

A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:

•They will eventually conceive a baby.

•They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children.

•They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a foster parent.

Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don't know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support.

Don't Tell Them to Relax (Heard it, and continue to hear it. Makes me want to scream! I decided to tell the person that tells me this that relaxing won't help. Women become pregnant in the most stressful situations...so yea, that is not the reason why for me. Need an egg to drop, ok?)

Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile.

Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.

Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.

Don't Minimize the Problem

Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.

Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.

Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen

Along the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Getting raped? Losing a job?

Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the "worst" thing. And, to a woman whose only goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen.

People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don't tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility.

Don't Tell Someone They Are Like Octomom

Just because a couple goes to a fertility clinic, that doesn't mean that they want a football team running around in their house. A fertile couple has no clue what it is like to be suffering from infertility, don't judge someone because their body doesn't work right. I know that God has a plan, but what about medicine to assist? What is wrong with that? Nothing I say.

Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVF

In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man's sperm in a petri dish. This is the method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, "Why don't you just try IVF?" in the same casual tone they would use to ask, "Why don't you try shopping at another store?" People assume that is something that every infertile couple ends up doing, not true. Usually there are steps to the process, for me 2 months of monitored Clomid cycles proved that I am Clomid resistant. Now I have to get to a point where I am ovulating and then I have to go through 3 or more cycles if IUI before the RE recommends me for IVF. When/if it gets to that step I am sure my finances will have been exhausted...

Don't Be Crude

It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends. One I have heard is "Are you sure you are doing it right?" Or "You have to have sex to make a baby." Hahaha, funny the first time (yea...not really), but not any time after that. I have grown so much courage in this mess, I am not scared to "inform" someone that they are being rude...but I do have to learn how not to be rude when I am "informing" them of their crude remarks.

Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy

This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.

The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. When you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you. Exactly!

Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes." Yeppers.

I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard (I have just recently started going to baby showers again, it was a HUGE step for me). Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.

Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant

For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood.

Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.

Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.

Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition

Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones.

Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband's sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized.

Don't Push Adoption (Yet)

Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process.

You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.

Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.

So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load. Here are a few ideas.

Let Them Know That You Care

The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren't going through this alone.

Remember Them on Mother's Day

With all of the activity on Mother's Day, people tend to forget about women who cannot become mothers. Mother's Day is an incredibly painful time for infertile women. You cannot get away from it-There are ads on the TV, posters at the stores, church sermons devoted to celebrating motherhood, and all of the plans for celebrating with your own mother and mother-in-law.

Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments

No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes.

Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don't encourage them to try again, and don't discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don't try to open that chapter again.


Hahaha...can't believe the pharmacy I have going here, and it isn't even that bad (in my eyes).  The pharmacy I ordered from sent me the wrong device to shoot up with though, I was supposed to get this cool easy pen thing, but instead I got syringes.  Guess I am going to be a syringe master not too long from now. 

From what I posted on Thursday I also feel like I am running out of time because I am in the military reserves, and I could go over to the desert...that has been a possibility ever since I joined (3+ years ago, did 8 years active duty).  We haven't prevented pregnancy since Chloe was born (she's almost 5!), and we've been actively TTC since we moved into our house 3 years ago...I wish I would've known much earlier that I waswn't ovulating!  Yea...now I definitely know my body a bit better...