15 month appointment

Hi all.  I have been thinking a lot about this blog...it was first started as a TTC with IF blog and I never intended for it to become an "all about baby" blog, but thought an update was in order.

T is now 15 months old, 20lbs 15oz (7%), 31.something inches (65%) and head circ is 91%.  Walking, talking, and has 10 teeth (2 molars coming in - eeek!).  He hasn't had an ear infection (yet) and has been in the best health since we brought him home from the hospital after his 13 day stay after he was born. 

Other than that?  Not much going on.  DH and I have talked about TTC#3, but at this point in our lives that is taking a back burner as we are both busy with our civilian and military careers.  I long for another child, but value my health (and life) and there is always that fear lurking in the back of my brain as to what could happen if we TTC again (high chance at multiples and high chance at Pre-E/HELLP again). 

So for now, I am signing off although I will keep this blog up and running as I hope that my journey helps someone else out there....

Countdown to 1st brithday!

Someone's little boy will be 1 year old in 2 weeks!  Eeeek!

Prediabetic

It isn't like I eat horribly...but, pretty sure I am right about this.  Thanks again PCOS.  My appointment can't come fast enough.

Endocrinologist appt and a non-crawling 10 month old...

Finally.  A doctor listened to my concerns!  My fasting blood sugar read high and I am awaiting an appointment with someone that might be able to give me some answers.  Reminds me that I need to find out from my dad who on his side of the family ended up with diabetes at a young age.  I am not obese, but I know there is something funky going on in my body and has been going on for a long time, maybe I can get some straight answers as to how PCOS has affected not just my fertility, but other aspects of my life also. 

T is still not crawling.  He is becoming quite mobile on his back by using his legs to push himself around.  He doesn't roll much anymore, but loves to play in his Jumperoo and in his Bright Starts Activity Station.  I have had many comments on how babies should crawl and that he will have issues later (reading, dexterity, etc) if he doesn't, but I have been doing a lot of reading and found that he just might skip crawling...and that is perfectly fine (as per his pediatrician).  And you know what?  It isn't like I am preventing him from crawling!  I mean, really?  Sometimes I wish people would stop giving parenting advice (assvice) but that might be asking a bit too much...:)

And HALT!

LOL.  Sometimes I make myself laugh and I need one today!  Fellow Navy personnel will (maybe) understand the title. 

So, we were bound and determined to go for #3.  I was 100% positive AF would stay away due to my crazy PCOS, but to my surprise she showed TWICE in a month!  Holy crap.  I was going to call today to schedule my HSG.  But..nope, DH got home and informed me that he will probably be going overseas for a bit (3+ months).  He would leave sometime next month so TTC #3 is on hold and probably won't happen now as I will have to adjust my schedule to allow for daycare.  And 2 (possibly 3) little ones in daycare (plus DD in the summer) would literally bankrupt us. 

I am trying to get to a place where I am ok with this, but after TTC for 12 years it is a hard thing for me to do.  Everyone that suffers from IF has their roadblocks, but dang...our 2nd careers in the military really do throw a wrench in our "plans".  I guess the problem that I have is that I never got that "feeling" that so many other moms have told me about, the feeling that my family is complete.  I hate to feel forced that my family is complete, but I have to remember that we have 2 beautiful miracle children.

Something that I HAVE to remember is that my RE reiterated that we were lucky, not just from having preeclampsia and HELLP (and both the baby and I surviving), but that we had 2 follies ready and 5 more that were so close that he was going to call off the cycle.  I am glad he didn't tell me that then as I would have been a mess as his clinic doesn't "allow" more than a twin pregnancy.

So fellow IF-ers...for now I am signing off.  I don't really want to think about TTC or anything related to it(which reminds me, I need to distance myself from all the mom groups as those women are TTC again and there are quite a few that are pg again).

I will leave you all with a recent pic of Trey. Our HELLP miracle.

Struggle...

So, I haven't been the best blogger in the world.  Eh, whatever. 

I am truly lucky.  Lucky to have the children that I was blessed with, lucky to have a great career (um, 2 of them), lucky to have the best DH a woman could have, and lucky to be alive.  I am truly happy, yet I long for another child.  It is hard to explain to my friends that have never dealt with IF, but how does one know that they are finished having children?  I am not sure that a number can be placed on how many children I would like to have.  DH laughed when I told him that.  I know it will be a struggle for both of us as we work opposite shifts, but a few years of that will benefit our bank account, and will give both of us lots of time with the kids. 

And...I will start Metformin tonight.  And I WILL open the paperwork that arrived in the mail from the RE.  Tonight. 

And it starts again....

So the decision has been made.  The RE's office got a call from me today.  I am waiting on my next AF and then I will call them back (well...I will call them after 35 days of no AF which will be in early January), then I start BCP and schedule an HSG.  Then it is on to Lupron!  For now I can get started back on Metformin. 

I "might" get a good O close to Trey's 1st bday!  Holy crap.  We are trying this again...and not wasting time on Clomid. 

And yes, got the go ahead from all the docs!

Been a bit quiet...

Apologies...if I have many bloggie readers?  LOL

Why, you ask, have I been quiet?  Well, I have been working some serious hours at work (and for the Navy), and the time I spend at home is spent with the kids.  Facebook, blogs, shopping (eeek!) has all taken the backburner. 

Got the results from the high-risk OB (and RE) and all of my bloodwork looks normal (no blood clotting issues and liver function is normal).  So...we got the go ahead for TTC #3.  Upon getting that news we have also been faced with the possibility that DH might get military orders to be away for 3 months to a year.  So TTC might be taking the backburner.  Not sure yet, which sucks something fierce. 

I keep putting off calling the RE back to get on Metformin and BCP, they probably think I am a huge flake, but I hate to start something if we can't finish it.  I have been debating starting slow (Clomid) but I know what will happen (nothing) so I think we might just get back into it with the IVF med routine and TI.

And on that note...AF has been missing for awhile now.  Last one was the beginning of September...no, not pregnant as my body doesn't work like that.  I did test and was (suprisingly) not disappointed.  Been thinking about calling the OB and getting on BCP to try and get this crazy body in some kind of normal state.  Oh, and I am still fat.  Almost 9 months post baby and I have 20lbs to lose...?  Starting the Reboot your Life program tomorrow...after a trip to the grocery store to spend some serious dough on produce.  Then I might do a cleanse also as my system is all kids of messed up.    

High risk...

So, at my appt with my RE I told him I wanted to see a high risk OB to ask questions about pre-e and HELLP happening again.  My appt was yesterday.  The high risk OB was great (the nurse was a bit more informative though), she answered our questions, gave us lots of good info, and we left there feeling great.  1 in 4 chance at pre-e again, and a 5% chance of HELLP if I get pre-e again.  I knew all of that as I have been studying up a bit on it all.  Some blood was drawn to check for blood clotting issues (I had a very bad bleed at 13 weeks with Trey) and those results should come back in a few weeks.  The doc mentioned taking baby aspirin but wasn't sure what I should do since I am allergic to aspirin.  She explained about Trey's placenta not being as healthy as it should have been (clotting issues?  A fluke?  Pre-e and HELLP have no known causes).  She talked a bit about the D&C I had to get placenta out (I just called it the vacuum), and she said there is nothing preventing us trying again.  I mentioned my weight (I am about 25lbs over my "normal" weight) and she said I am within my BMI and weight isn't an issue. 

Funny...she knows my RE.  Small world in the doctor community I guess.  I will be calling the RE to get meds started soon.  I am hoping the Metformin helps out a bit with my weight issues and sugar cravings.  :)  And now I have to get into the TTC mindset again...exciting and scary as my mind keeps going back to the appt with the RE.  Having 2 follies mature was great, but the fact that there were 5 more that were close makes me nervous of overstimulating again.  Guess we'll see what happens. 

 

PCOS and pregnancy complications.

Wish I would have found this MUCH earlier!

http://www.tree.com/health/ovarian-cysts-polycystic-ovarian-syndrome-pcos-pregnancy.aspx

Now that I have dealt with this I will know what to look for if we get the go ahead (and decide to go ahead).

10/26

I kept reminding myself to call the high risk OB...then my home phone rang and I was busy, checked it later and sure enough, it was them...funny as they were supposed to call last week.  I called back and made the appointment, we'll see what they say. 

I know I need to lose some weight (20lbs) to be healthier, but I am still under the max BMI for my RE to treat me.  Yay. 

DH and I have talked and will make our decision after we talk to the high risk OB.

Still no call...:/

The high risk OB hasn't called me back yet, so I will try to remember to call tomorrow.  DH and I have had a long talk about it all and are ok either way...we are so very lucky to have 2 IF miracles.  We always wanted 3 little ones, so it will be hard for us to call it quits (12 years hoping and praying takes a toll on you though)...

T is doing well, he is growing like a weed just like his big sis!  He almost skipped 6 month sized clothes completely.  He is now in 9 month clothes and won't be for long...silly mom bought his winter gear in 12 month sizes...won't last him through the winter!

Had a crappy week, had some water damage to the house - carpet and walls will be getting replaced; lost my purse (maybe stolen?), and found evidence of a rodent in our basement ceiling.  Maybe this week will be better.

RE consultation.

The RE was great.  He asked how the baby was doing, wanted to see a pic, and then we jumped right into what he wants to do to get us pregnant again.  He did say that he wants me to talk to a high risk OB (peri) first though as we want to know the chances at this happening again (I have found online that it is 1 in 4 at pre-e again, but nothing for HELLP), and what the path forward will be (bed rest?).  After that is done we can go ahead with Metformin and BCP and then an HSG.  Oh, Metformin AFTER I get my liver function tested....which makes me a bit nervous as this HELLP syndrome thing did a number on my liver. 

So the plan?  He said we could go straight to injectables, but I think I would like to try a round of Clomid (100mg for cd3-12) to see if it will work.  I would rather not put my body through the mess of menopause and injectables again (especially since I haven't lost all the weight!  UGH!)...but we will do what is needed.  He did talk a bit my crazy ovaries and that if did end up doing IVF we wouldn't need to spend much (if any) on injectable drugs as I need 1/3 of what a "normal" gal needs.  LOL  He also mentioned that he was a bit nervous when I got pg as there were 2 follies ready with 3 trailing close behind...so hence the 1 round of Clomid.  I am a bit nervous for multiples...I would welcome them with open arms, but some serious changes would have to be made (take leave from work for an undetermined amount of time etc).

So...tomorrow I will be heading in to the clinic to get some blood drawn, then hopefully I will be getting a call soon as to when my appt with the peri's will be...:)

And this time around feels different.  I have a feeling we are not done with kids, but I am a bit more relaxed about it all. 

Tuesday

I don't like you Tuesday.  That is all.

6 month stats! And other news...

Our 3.5 pound preemie is officially on the charts! Trey had his 6 month appointment today, 15lbs 5oz and 27in, 11%-ile for weight and 68%-ile for height. His head is in the 85%-ile. Last appointment (4 months) he was 2%-ile for weight and 3%-ile for height. Long and skinny, just like his sister...:)


I am thinking about asking the RE if I should see a perinatologist (sp?) before we decide to move on with #3.  This is due to the fact that a peri would be able to tell me if it is a good idea if I get pregnant again or not.  I know there are HUGE chances at pre-e/HELLP again and I want to know what a peri thinks...an RE's opinion is great, but they just get me pregnant...

Trey is 6 months old...:)

What has been going on in my world...

1.  I work 40+ hours a week, DH and I switch up at night so no daycare is needed (except for Friday's and drill weekend).  This weekend will mark the 2nd weekend in a row that I have had drill (not to mention my full-time work during the week).  Makes for a nice bank account, but a tired mommy.

2.  Trey has started solids, all homemade, rice cereal, bananas, avocado, sweet potato, and next will probably be green beans...not sure yet.  He is doing great (in my eyes, the 6 month appt Monday will show how well he is REALLY doing).  He doesn't sellp through the night, but we have had a few night that I had to go check on him as he slept a good 7-8 hours.  Of course then he woke up famished.

3.  BF.  Yes, my body failed me, I came to terms with the fact that I don't produce enough (any) and I was fine with it until I noticed women on my expecting club blasting the board with blog entries that are not the nicest to formula feeding moms. 

4.  9/27 - the day I head back to the RE.  Curious to see what he says about everything, curious as to when we could start again.  It will have to wait until after the cruise I have planned with a few girlfriends in December...If I plan it right I could be coming back from the cruise right around the time I would be done with the BCP before down regulation.

5.  I am tired.  I get maybe 4 hours (interrupted) of sleep a night.  I am not sure how long I can do this without going insane. 

6.  Something I realized recently...I don't have many IRL friends anymore...probably because I work so much, but also I think that having a new little one when most of my friends that have kids - theirs aren't babies...hummm...

Breastfeeding.

Yea.  Why a post about this?  Because I get "looks".  I pull out the bottle, get the formula dispenser, and proceed to make a bottle for my (thriving) baby and women stare.  Now either they are staring at my voluptuous figure or they are judging me.  I say it is the latter.  See, I have been through this before, I tried and tried to breastfeed DD.  I could type up this long blog about why I had to stop, but it really isn't worth my time.  I was heartbroken that I couldn't do the most simple thing for my baby....

Fast forward to baby T.  I got everything ready ahead of time as I knew I would have issues with BF.  I had supplements, a pump, nursing bras (nice ones this time!), nursing nightgowns, clothes, storage for the milk, etc.  I pumped (no joke) 10 times a day for a month (hospital grade pump).  The best milk I ever had was about a week after he was born, I pumped a whole ounce from both breasts after feeding him!  I had appointments with lactation consultants, and I could see the sadness in their eyes...I made it a month before my supply was gone (the last week I was pumping an ounce TOTAL a day). You see, PCOS didn't just doesn't affect my fertility, it also affects my ability to feed my children.  Not to mention my issue with weight loss, my insatiable desire for sweets....you get the picture.  So my mammary glands suck. So do my ovaries.     

So...formula it is. 

Remember this the next time you look at a gal that is mixing up that bottle of formula.  Or the next time you comment on a post on FB, or your HUSBAND asks a gal if she is BF (yea, thanks dude...kinda awkward), or post about how formula isn't natural, etc.  I have no other choice.  And you know what?  Circumstances are different for everyone, maybe someone had the choice and could BF, but decided to FF, that is their choice.  So trying to scare me with the known risks associated with FF?  Nope...I am feeding my baby, he is thriving, and even though I would love to BF, I don't feel bad about my body not working correctly (ha, now I don't).  Sometimes things don't go as planned.

3 weeks.

9/27 is the day I go for a consultation at the RE.  So I have 3 weeks to lose some of this disgusting fat...LOL...looking like protein shakes, fruit, fiber, lo-cal frozen meals, and low fat cottage cheese for me!  I have managed to gain back 10 of the 25lbs I had lost...:(

Tuesday is the day

The day that I call my great IF doctor back to make an appointment for a consultation.  We'll see what he says about the preeclampsia, HELLP syndrome, 33 week premie, and trying again!  Thinking he will start me on BCP and Metformin right away and then maybe we can start this crazy road again in a month or so?  I have been putting off talking to DH about this, just nervous as to what he would say.  He was waiting on me...waiting for me to make an appointment.  The doc figured out what works so why not?  Sure we will have a rough couple of years with a few under 2 in the house, but if we don't do it now we won't go for it...:) 

Losers with lice

So...I thought "dirty" people got lice.  Wrong!

The other day DD came up to me and said her head was itchy.  I almost brushed it off to mosquito bites as we had been outside the night before and all of us had been feasted on.  So I lifted her hair and exclaimed, "What the heck are those brown dots?"  About 3 seconds later I figured it out.  After we both freaked out for about 10 minutes I decided to wake the baby up and get to Walgreen's to buy some lice stuff.  I had no clue what to buy.  I bought Rid and did both of us.  The problem with doing yourself is that I couldn't use that special brush.  Anyway, I spent 3+ hours on DD's hair (the whole time asking her if I could just cut it really short - in which she replied "I would rather not look like a boy Mom.") 

The rest of that day was spent washing, vacuuming, washing more, and trying not to freak out.  We had a picnic and a birthday party to attend, neither of which either one of us got too close to anyone.  The next day, I spent another few hours in her hair, finding tiny eggs....shudder....and the day went on, more laundry, vacuuming, etc.  LAter in the evening I felt an itch.  On my scalp.  I thought I had avoided it....nope.  Must have some in my hair from all the laundry...:(  Freaked out again, called a friend, and she spent the evening and the whole next day helping me out with my hair and the house. 

Lice are no joke.  Hoping that we don't have a re-infestation.  Especially since I have to work...don't want to introduce them there...but I bet I already have, unknowingly. 

I think I am going home tonight after work and dousing my head with olive oil.