So, we were bound and determined to go for #3. I was 100% positive AF would stay away due to my crazy PCOS, but to my surprise she showed TWICE in a month! Holy crap. I was going to call today to schedule my HSG. But..nope, DH got home and informed me that he will probably be going overseas for a bit (3+ months). He would leave sometime next month so TTC #3 is on hold and probably won't happen now as I will have to adjust my schedule to allow for daycare. And 2 (possibly 3) little ones in daycare (plus DD in the summer) would literally bankrupt us.
I am trying to get to a place where I am ok with this, but after TTC for 12 years it is a hard thing for me to do. Everyone that suffers from IF has their roadblocks, but dang...our 2nd careers in the military really do throw a wrench in our "plans". I guess the problem that I have is that I never got that "feeling" that so many other moms have told me about, the feeling that my family is complete. I hate to feel forced that my family is complete, but I have to remember that we have 2 beautiful miracle children.
Something that I HAVE to remember is that my RE reiterated that we were lucky, not just from having preeclampsia and HELLP (and both the baby and I surviving), but that we had 2 follies ready and 5 more that were so close that he was going to call off the cycle. I am glad he didn't tell me that then as I would have been a mess as his clinic doesn't "allow" more than a twin pregnancy.
So fellow IF-ers...for now I am signing off. I don't really want to think about TTC or anything related to it(which reminds me, I need to distance myself from all the mom groups as those women are TTC again and there are quite a few that are pg again).
I will leave you all with a recent pic of Trey. Our HELLP miracle.
Although the circumstances are completely different, I totally understand. I don't feel like our family is complete either. Between having endured three failed adoptions (and not knowing if I can stomach another one), and not having any idea where to find the money for an adoption let alone daycare thereafter... I feel like you do. I'm not done, but I might have to be done. And once again, it feels like that choice is being made by someone other than me. And I hate that.
ReplyDeleteI know this is no help. But please know that you are not alone. :) Maybe I will add you on FB since we are 'safe' for each other!
Thank you so much. Different, yet the same. :) And it is a big help! I have heard from more than a few friends that they knew they were done. Me? Nope.
ReplyDeleteAccepted!
Whether you proceed forward with growing your family or decide that you are complete, I hope you find happiness and peace. We are undecided about our plans, and I often think that I would hate to press my luck- I'm so blessed that Charlotte was conceived and that she survived my bad placenta and uterus her prematurity and that I lived to see her thrive. I'm not sure our family is complete, but I know I am completely blessed, and for now, I find that to be enough.
ReplyDeleteThe pressing your luck thing...I totally agree. I have come to understand that I might never feel my family is complete, and that is ok. I know that things are happening as they should. :)
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