22 weeks...

How far along: 22 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: Uh, I don't count the weight gained from Christmas cookies and treats...so I am holding strong at 15 pounds...LOL

Maternity clothes: Yep, although I have had some people comment that I don't look halfway done...hummm...smaller baby?  I hope so!

Stretch marks: Yea, it comes with the miracle...:)

Sleep: Dreaming like crazy lately, but have been sleeping ok (minus the 1-2 bathroom trips in the middle of the night).

Movement: I LOVE OJ, it helps me to really feel Charlie kick.

Cravings: Eh, hit another stage where I am not super hungry (although yesterday I couldn't get enough food).

Gender: Green team all the way!  I found DD's old bedding set (Pooh) and have found many many neutral outfits to last until Charlie is born (and toys!).  Have to let the lady that wants to do my shower know that maybe it should be a diaper and wipes shower (maybe gift cards?)...she wants to do a "Is it a boy or girl" party, I am just not sure I will want to be returning stuff...LOL

Symptoms: Heartburn - nope. Swollen nose/sinuses - yes. Fat ankles - nope. Constipation - yes (bad bad gas pains this week, will have to get my OB's medications list as they didn't give me one). Feeling like my belly grows all day - yes.

What I miss: Nothing. I can honestly say that I love being pregnant (all except for the fear of loss, I don't think after having experienced loss I can ever be like I was with my pregnancy with DD).

What I look forward to: Charlie being viable and being able to play music and feel Charlie move to it...

Moods: Eh, nervous...about everything. Health of the baby, work, bills, etc.

Milestones:  Another week down!  18-ish weeks to go...:)

Medical Concerns: Hopefully none at the moment, we will find out next week at my appt.  I am guessing that the constipation is not making it easy for me to feel Charlie move in there, I know things are ok as I feel him/her every now and then...:)  Oh, and the fetal monitor that I am psycho about helps out a lot too.

Weekly Wisdom:  A break from the internet and Face.book is great!

Best moment this week: Christmas morning when DD saw her presents...classic!

Worst moment this week:  Trying to take care of DH while he was super sick.  I say "tried" because being pregnant and trying to take care of someone who has food poisoning would have just made me sick too!

Holidays....

Holidays have been rough for me the last 10 or so years...it didn't get really bad until all of our friends started having kids though.  Once we did end up pg with DD I didn't have the fears that I have now.  Now I fear loss (do you ever not fear loss after IF and/or loss though???), I fear the unknown, and a big fear is what if this treatment doesn't work again?  I know we could scrape up the money for IVF, but we would only have one or two shots at it, and that would be after waiting a year to save the money again.

I am so thankful for what I have (but as I have stated in other blog posts, I know that my family is not complete, I have known that since DD was less than a year old), but why can't everyone that wants children have their dreams come true?  That is something that will always bother me.  How are some people uber lucky and have one or two or five kids, yet others that would be just as good as parents, sit with empty arms? 

I have had so many people tell me that maybe it isn't in His plan for me to have another child, but those are usually the people that have never been through what so many of us IFers have.  Suffering from IF for so long I finally realized that I just had to let go, and letting go was the hardest thing that I have ever done.  But at the same time I felt free...free from the stresses of IF, free from the worry...but are we ever truly free?  I know I will be right back in the same IF mess when this little one is born.  My RE told me at my last appointment, "Whenever you are ready, you come back and see me and we'll get started working on baby #3 for you...".  I can't imagine having any other RE, he is my hero, my Santa, he saved me from that deep depression, that downward spiral that was becoming my life...

21 weeks???

I sit here and think that not too long ago I was mad at the world...mad at my ovaries, mad at my OB for missing the PCOS diagnosis, mad that when I did get pregnant with the OB I ended up miscarrying, mad that this would be that baby's first Christmas, mad that 4 years had been wasted because I waited 2 years to say anything to the OB, and you know what?  I was just plain mad.  Now I am 21 weeks pregnant, a miracle.  An early birthday present that I had been wishing for...

How far along: 21 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: My best guess as of this point is I have gained about 10-15 pounds.  I am sure the goodies around this time of year will add to that though.

Maternity clothes: Ha!  Lupron and stim drugs did a number on me, I have been wearing maternity pants/jeans since week 5!

Stretch marks: Yea, it comes with the miracle baby...:)

Sleep: Bad dreams last night, but have been sleeping ok.

Movement: I LOVE OJ, it helps me to really feel Charlie kick. 

Cravings: Uh, the past few days I have been having some gastrointestinal pains, so food isn't really high on my list. 

Gender:  It is a super secret...the only one that knows is the ultrasound tech...maybe we can request her for the 30-ish week 3D we want to have, she was nice.

Symptoms: Heartburn - nope. Swollen nose/sinuses - yes.  Fat ankles - nope. Constipation - yes.  Feeling like my belly grows all day - yes.

What I miss:  Nothing.  I can honestly say that I love being pregnant (all except for the fear of loss, I don't think after having experienced loss I can ever be like I was with my pregnancy with DD).

What I look forward to: Charlie being viable and being able to play music and feel Charlie move to it...

Moods: Eh, nervous...about everything. Health of the baby, work, bills, etc.

Milestones:  DD felt Charlie kick last night!  She was astonished.

Medical Concerns:  Hopefully none at the moment, we will find out in a few weeks at my next appt.

Weekly Wisdom:  The best time to go shopping at Target during the holidays = during a snowstorm.

Best moment this week:  Definitely the look on DD's face when she felt Charlie move!

Worst moment this week:  The horrible gas pains from last night with nothing to show for the pain!  Booo.

Welcome ICLW!

Hi!  thanks for stopping by my blog...:)  There is info about our journey in my side bar over there

<----------------- you'll have to scroll down a bit though...:)

I am Erica, and I have suffered through infertility for 11+ years.  I was misdiagnosed for many of those years and when I finally got diagnosed with PCOS in January of 2010, I was happy to have that diagnosis, even if it wasn't ideal.  It is hard for me to go back and think about all those lost years, but I know now that things happen for a reason.  

I do have a daughter, she is 5, she was conceived naturally after I had lost 30lbs (the docs at the time were clueless as to how I got pregnant).  I have never been overweight, but I guess my body needs a little less weight on it to work correctly. 

This Christmas is a bit bittersweet for me.  I did end up getting pregnant last year, but we lost that little one last September.  It is hard to imagine that this would have been baby #2's first Christmas. 

This infertility mess has been a long tough road for the both of us (and my daughter), it is almost impossible to explain to those that have never experienced infertility and loss, but we finally found a treatment that worked and we are now 21 weeks pregnant with our 2nd PCOS miracle baby.
I wish everyone the best of luck and please stick with it, I gave up so many times in the last 11 years, but last year I vowed to stick with it and not give up.  

20 week ultrasound pics....

Here are some of my favs:

Cute button nose just like DD...

Big feet!

I'm number 1!!!

Long legs...

 Face shot

Clasping arms...

Awww...3d, can't wait for the 30-ish week ones...



20 week 4 day belly pic

I cleaned the mirror this time...:)

Found a pair of maternity jeans I haven't worn in a month...now I know I am gaining weight in my butt as these pants will not fit for 4+ more months!

20 weeks...and u/s!

We had the 20 week u/s this morning, baby Charlie looks great.  Nothing is wrong, measured almost exactly 20 weeks (19w 6d), and we still kept the gender a secret.  I told the u/s tech and she was cool, didn't let me get any sneak peaks.  DD and DH kept reminding me that they think it is a girl, I figure someone should be right, so I say boy (even though I am pretty sure it is another girl...LOL).  Hey, at least we have all the clothes for a girl, right? 
Weekly update


How far along: 20 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: Total I have gained about 8 pounds.  The issue here is that I had gained over 10 in the month preceding pregnancy due to the fertility drugs (my body swells) and I had gained another 20 while TTC on Clomid.  So honestly, I am about where I was with DD at this point.  Hoping I don't gain too much as I didn't look like myself at the end with DD.
Maternity clothes: Yes. Not thinking people are questioning it anymore...

Stretch marks: I have found new ones...near my belly button (others are leftovers from DD)...Yay for battle wounds!

Sleep: Doing ok...getting up regularly to use the restroom, and more lately because I think I have a cold...I get thirsty.
Movement: Late afternoon and evenings are the best times for baby Charlie.  At the u/s this morning the little one was not cooperating as much as the u/s tech wanted...even after I drank a glass of oj. 
Cravings: I have been craving pizza since Thursday.  We were going to order some on Saturday night but the blizzard kept that from happening...:( Aversions: None.  Although after eating 4 Christmas cookies, cake at work did not sound appetizing.  I ate it anyway though. 
Gender:  Did not find out today although the u/s tech told me she knew...:)  She was great at hiding the parts, I know what to look for!  Thought I saw something but she assured me I was wrong...LOL
Symptoms: Heartburn - nope. Swollen nose/sinuses - yes (HA!  Thought that was from pregnancy but it is probably a cold as I am losing my voice, although I feel fine?).  Fat ankles - nope.  Constipation - yes.  Not sure if this is a symptom but when I sit on the floor to type on my laptop my legs are both fall asleep. 

What I miss: Not a whole lot of anything actually.  Sushi on Friday (the cooked kind).

What I look forward to:  Charlie being viable.  DD talked about the baby coming now, was a bit hard explaining that the baby has to grow quite a bit more.

Moods: Eh, nervous...about everything. Health of the baby, work, bills, etc.

Milestones: I had drank some oj, was sitting watching TV and felt constant kicks, usually when I tell DH Charlie stops, not this time, he said he felt the kick...pretty cool. 
Medical Concerns:  Forgot to ask about the subchorionic hemmorhage and if it was gone today.  The tech didn't say anything about it so I am assuming it is ok, but I will wait and ask at my appt in 3 weeks if it is gone.

Weekly Wisdom:  A shovel in the car is a good idea if you need to dig yourself out, we had a few issues, but it happens when plows are taken off the road! 
Best moment this week:  Today's u/s and seeing that baby Charlie is doing great in there. 
Worst moment this week:  Don't really have one.  The blizzard was nice, great learning experience driving in it, and fun to stay in the house with DH and DD.  DD and I did some baking!

19 week 4 day baby bump

Gained 8 pounds since 16 week appointment.  I blame it on the cruise.  This is about what I weighed with DD at this time also, but by this point I have gained 35 pounds....eeek!  Total gained = 8 pounds. 

Sorry about the flash glare...and the dirty mirror...LOL

Thankful for my RE...

I was reading a blog just a few minutes ago and I realized that I am extremely lucky.  Lucky to be pregnant after 45 (or was it 46?) months of dealing with IF.  But also lucky that I had an RE that didn't skip right over injectable drugs and timed intercourse (or IUI) and have me go straight on to IVF (the gal in the blog didn't get into it, so there might be other underlying factors, plus DH and I had a child naturally although it did take 5 years to get pg with her). 

Getting diagnosed with PCOS does not mean that the only route to go is the IVF route (ok, I am no doc, but I have PCOS, a pretty bad case of it, and injectables finally got me to ovulate).  Sure, I overstimmed so bad that the RE's nurses eyes about popped out of her head when she saw the u/s and how many mature follies we hanging out on my ovaries...Heck, I think she even stopped counting at 20 follies...:)  I can look back now and smile.  Although I won't forget that pain....ever. 

So, yea.  I am feeling mighty lucky now, lucky and blessed to have Charlie hanging out in my belly, growing and kicking and giving me heartburn...:)

The awesome doppler/heart rate monitor thing...

When I saw Charlie's heartbeat at 6 weeks pregnant I went online and bought the most awesome heart rate monitor.  I knew I wouldn't hear a hb until at least 10 weeks, but just having it made me feel good.  I bought this one:
http://www.amazon.com/Heart-Ultrasound-Fetal-Doppler-Display/dp/B003TM0T7A/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&qid=1291753568&sr=8-12

Right at 10 weeks I could hear the heartbeat....it was amazing.  Now I know exactly where Charlie is sitting so it takes me less than 5 seconds to find the hb...I check before every appointment (ok...and at least 2 times a week)...

With DD, I had a much cheaper one (around $25), but I never used it as it was just scratchy sounding and I hated it.  Worst $25 I ever spent!  It was the BeBe Sounds...ugh.  Never again.  I will gladly spend the big bucks (ha) to have one similar to the OB's...
I am about to run out of ultrasound gel...need to buy some more stat!!!  Amazon here I come!!!

19 weeks?!?!?!?

Weekly update


How far along: 19 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: At my 16 week appt I had gained less than a pound. Not so sure about that now as I gorged myself most of the time on the cruise...;)...so I am expecting around 10 pounds, but we will see on Wednesday at my next OB appt!

Maternity clothes: Yes. Not thinking people are questioning it anymore...LOL

Stretch marks: Leftover ones from DD...stretch marks are inevitable, I am not scared.  And now, I have found new ones...near my belly button...Yay for battle wounds!

Sleep: Doing ok...getting up once or twice a night to use the bathroom...probably doesn't help that I drink a glass of water each time I go...
Movement: Orange juice is Charlie's favorite!  About 30 minutes after I drink a glass I feel those awesome thumps.
Cravings: Anything and everything!  If I see someone eating something (say like pizza) I have to have it!  Aversions: Um...this is where the weight gain will start!  Not having any aversions now!
Gender: We are green team. Finding out at birth. Been having weird feelings it is a boy, but after hearing about Doug's grandma's dream, it is probably a girl...:)  There are many people in my family that are mad and think I will give in at the ultrasound...Nope!  That just makes me want to stick to my guns a bit more!

Symptoms:  Heartburn - nope.  Swollen nose/sinuses - yes.  Fat ankles - nope. 
What I miss: Not a whole lot of anything actually.

What I look forward to:  Seeing everything on the 20 week u/s next week!  Everything minus his/her private area...:)
Moods: Eh, nervous...about everything. Health of the baby, work, bills, etc.

Milestones: I swear I felt a little kick on the outside of my belly this morning, it is hard to tell though as I feel it from the inside too.  Put DD's hand on my belly but of course Charlie didn't kick again!
Medical Concerns: The subchorionic hemorrage and the almost constant spotting. 

Weekly Wisdom:  Snow boots that don't lace up will probably be a good idea soon. 
Best moment this week:  Cooking our late Thanksgiving meal!
Worst moment this week: Got emotional this morning with DD, long story, but I almost broke down. 

150 days...

Amazing.  Amazing to think that in 150ish days I will be meeting my new baby!  I feel him/her every day now, especially when I am sitting at work in my uncomfortable chair.  Just a little thump here and there to remind me that he/she is there...It is amazing what I forgot since being pregnant with DD...I love each and every day that I have with this little one in my belly...:)

Probably already mentioned this many times, but DH's grandma has predicted a girl.  She has never been wrong, even when an u/s proved her wrong.  DH's aunt was pregnant and it was said to be a boy from u/s, everything was bought for a boy, and the baby came out a girl, just as DH's grandma said. 

This pregnancy has been completely different than with DD, but I don't think that is any way to judge whether or not this is a girl or boy.  I have already been picking up miscellaneous items, not too much though, mostly clothes and things for the crib (gender neutral).  We have toys leftover from DD, and honestly this time around I know I don't "need" as much.  There were many thing we bought or were given that just sat there unused.  Firm believer that each baby is different though and even though DD didn't like something the next one could....the essentials will do us just fine this time.