22 weeks...

How far along: 22 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: Uh, I don't count the weight gained from Christmas cookies and treats...so I am holding strong at 15 pounds...LOL

Maternity clothes: Yep, although I have had some people comment that I don't look halfway done...hummm...smaller baby?  I hope so!

Stretch marks: Yea, it comes with the miracle...:)

Sleep: Dreaming like crazy lately, but have been sleeping ok (minus the 1-2 bathroom trips in the middle of the night).

Movement: I LOVE OJ, it helps me to really feel Charlie kick.

Cravings: Eh, hit another stage where I am not super hungry (although yesterday I couldn't get enough food).

Gender: Green team all the way!  I found DD's old bedding set (Pooh) and have found many many neutral outfits to last until Charlie is born (and toys!).  Have to let the lady that wants to do my shower know that maybe it should be a diaper and wipes shower (maybe gift cards?)...she wants to do a "Is it a boy or girl" party, I am just not sure I will want to be returning stuff...LOL

Symptoms: Heartburn - nope. Swollen nose/sinuses - yes. Fat ankles - nope. Constipation - yes (bad bad gas pains this week, will have to get my OB's medications list as they didn't give me one). Feeling like my belly grows all day - yes.

What I miss: Nothing. I can honestly say that I love being pregnant (all except for the fear of loss, I don't think after having experienced loss I can ever be like I was with my pregnancy with DD).

What I look forward to: Charlie being viable and being able to play music and feel Charlie move to it...

Moods: Eh, nervous...about everything. Health of the baby, work, bills, etc.

Milestones:  Another week down!  18-ish weeks to go...:)

Medical Concerns: Hopefully none at the moment, we will find out next week at my appt.  I am guessing that the constipation is not making it easy for me to feel Charlie move in there, I know things are ok as I feel him/her every now and then...:)  Oh, and the fetal monitor that I am psycho about helps out a lot too.

Weekly Wisdom:  A break from the internet and Face.book is great!

Best moment this week: Christmas morning when DD saw her presents...classic!

Worst moment this week:  Trying to take care of DH while he was super sick.  I say "tried" because being pregnant and trying to take care of someone who has food poisoning would have just made me sick too!

Holidays....

Holidays have been rough for me the last 10 or so years...it didn't get really bad until all of our friends started having kids though.  Once we did end up pg with DD I didn't have the fears that I have now.  Now I fear loss (do you ever not fear loss after IF and/or loss though???), I fear the unknown, and a big fear is what if this treatment doesn't work again?  I know we could scrape up the money for IVF, but we would only have one or two shots at it, and that would be after waiting a year to save the money again.

I am so thankful for what I have (but as I have stated in other blog posts, I know that my family is not complete, I have known that since DD was less than a year old), but why can't everyone that wants children have their dreams come true?  That is something that will always bother me.  How are some people uber lucky and have one or two or five kids, yet others that would be just as good as parents, sit with empty arms? 

I have had so many people tell me that maybe it isn't in His plan for me to have another child, but those are usually the people that have never been through what so many of us IFers have.  Suffering from IF for so long I finally realized that I just had to let go, and letting go was the hardest thing that I have ever done.  But at the same time I felt free...free from the stresses of IF, free from the worry...but are we ever truly free?  I know I will be right back in the same IF mess when this little one is born.  My RE told me at my last appointment, "Whenever you are ready, you come back and see me and we'll get started working on baby #3 for you...".  I can't imagine having any other RE, he is my hero, my Santa, he saved me from that deep depression, that downward spiral that was becoming my life...

21 weeks???

I sit here and think that not too long ago I was mad at the world...mad at my ovaries, mad at my OB for missing the PCOS diagnosis, mad that when I did get pregnant with the OB I ended up miscarrying, mad that this would be that baby's first Christmas, mad that 4 years had been wasted because I waited 2 years to say anything to the OB, and you know what?  I was just plain mad.  Now I am 21 weeks pregnant, a miracle.  An early birthday present that I had been wishing for...

How far along: 21 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: My best guess as of this point is I have gained about 10-15 pounds.  I am sure the goodies around this time of year will add to that though.

Maternity clothes: Ha!  Lupron and stim drugs did a number on me, I have been wearing maternity pants/jeans since week 5!

Stretch marks: Yea, it comes with the miracle baby...:)

Sleep: Bad dreams last night, but have been sleeping ok.

Movement: I LOVE OJ, it helps me to really feel Charlie kick. 

Cravings: Uh, the past few days I have been having some gastrointestinal pains, so food isn't really high on my list. 

Gender:  It is a super secret...the only one that knows is the ultrasound tech...maybe we can request her for the 30-ish week 3D we want to have, she was nice.

Symptoms: Heartburn - nope. Swollen nose/sinuses - yes.  Fat ankles - nope. Constipation - yes.  Feeling like my belly grows all day - yes.

What I miss:  Nothing.  I can honestly say that I love being pregnant (all except for the fear of loss, I don't think after having experienced loss I can ever be like I was with my pregnancy with DD).

What I look forward to: Charlie being viable and being able to play music and feel Charlie move to it...

Moods: Eh, nervous...about everything. Health of the baby, work, bills, etc.

Milestones:  DD felt Charlie kick last night!  She was astonished.

Medical Concerns:  Hopefully none at the moment, we will find out in a few weeks at my next appt.

Weekly Wisdom:  The best time to go shopping at Target during the holidays = during a snowstorm.

Best moment this week:  Definitely the look on DD's face when she felt Charlie move!

Worst moment this week:  The horrible gas pains from last night with nothing to show for the pain!  Booo.

Welcome ICLW!

Hi!  thanks for stopping by my blog...:)  There is info about our journey in my side bar over there

<----------------- you'll have to scroll down a bit though...:)

I am Erica, and I have suffered through infertility for 11+ years.  I was misdiagnosed for many of those years and when I finally got diagnosed with PCOS in January of 2010, I was happy to have that diagnosis, even if it wasn't ideal.  It is hard for me to go back and think about all those lost years, but I know now that things happen for a reason.  

I do have a daughter, she is 5, she was conceived naturally after I had lost 30lbs (the docs at the time were clueless as to how I got pregnant).  I have never been overweight, but I guess my body needs a little less weight on it to work correctly. 

This Christmas is a bit bittersweet for me.  I did end up getting pregnant last year, but we lost that little one last September.  It is hard to imagine that this would have been baby #2's first Christmas. 

This infertility mess has been a long tough road for the both of us (and my daughter), it is almost impossible to explain to those that have never experienced infertility and loss, but we finally found a treatment that worked and we are now 21 weeks pregnant with our 2nd PCOS miracle baby.
I wish everyone the best of luck and please stick with it, I gave up so many times in the last 11 years, but last year I vowed to stick with it and not give up.  

20 week ultrasound pics....

Here are some of my favs:

Cute button nose just like DD...

Big feet!

I'm number 1!!!

Long legs...

 Face shot

Clasping arms...

Awww...3d, can't wait for the 30-ish week ones...



20 week 4 day belly pic

I cleaned the mirror this time...:)

Found a pair of maternity jeans I haven't worn in a month...now I know I am gaining weight in my butt as these pants will not fit for 4+ more months!

20 weeks...and u/s!

We had the 20 week u/s this morning, baby Charlie looks great.  Nothing is wrong, measured almost exactly 20 weeks (19w 6d), and we still kept the gender a secret.  I told the u/s tech and she was cool, didn't let me get any sneak peaks.  DD and DH kept reminding me that they think it is a girl, I figure someone should be right, so I say boy (even though I am pretty sure it is another girl...LOL).  Hey, at least we have all the clothes for a girl, right? 
Weekly update


How far along: 20 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: Total I have gained about 8 pounds.  The issue here is that I had gained over 10 in the month preceding pregnancy due to the fertility drugs (my body swells) and I had gained another 20 while TTC on Clomid.  So honestly, I am about where I was with DD at this point.  Hoping I don't gain too much as I didn't look like myself at the end with DD.
Maternity clothes: Yes. Not thinking people are questioning it anymore...

Stretch marks: I have found new ones...near my belly button (others are leftovers from DD)...Yay for battle wounds!

Sleep: Doing ok...getting up regularly to use the restroom, and more lately because I think I have a cold...I get thirsty.
Movement: Late afternoon and evenings are the best times for baby Charlie.  At the u/s this morning the little one was not cooperating as much as the u/s tech wanted...even after I drank a glass of oj. 
Cravings: I have been craving pizza since Thursday.  We were going to order some on Saturday night but the blizzard kept that from happening...:( Aversions: None.  Although after eating 4 Christmas cookies, cake at work did not sound appetizing.  I ate it anyway though. 
Gender:  Did not find out today although the u/s tech told me she knew...:)  She was great at hiding the parts, I know what to look for!  Thought I saw something but she assured me I was wrong...LOL
Symptoms: Heartburn - nope. Swollen nose/sinuses - yes (HA!  Thought that was from pregnancy but it is probably a cold as I am losing my voice, although I feel fine?).  Fat ankles - nope.  Constipation - yes.  Not sure if this is a symptom but when I sit on the floor to type on my laptop my legs are both fall asleep. 

What I miss: Not a whole lot of anything actually.  Sushi on Friday (the cooked kind).

What I look forward to:  Charlie being viable.  DD talked about the baby coming now, was a bit hard explaining that the baby has to grow quite a bit more.

Moods: Eh, nervous...about everything. Health of the baby, work, bills, etc.

Milestones: I had drank some oj, was sitting watching TV and felt constant kicks, usually when I tell DH Charlie stops, not this time, he said he felt the kick...pretty cool. 
Medical Concerns:  Forgot to ask about the subchorionic hemmorhage and if it was gone today.  The tech didn't say anything about it so I am assuming it is ok, but I will wait and ask at my appt in 3 weeks if it is gone.

Weekly Wisdom:  A shovel in the car is a good idea if you need to dig yourself out, we had a few issues, but it happens when plows are taken off the road! 
Best moment this week:  Today's u/s and seeing that baby Charlie is doing great in there. 
Worst moment this week:  Don't really have one.  The blizzard was nice, great learning experience driving in it, and fun to stay in the house with DH and DD.  DD and I did some baking!