And I am back at work...

It was much easier than I thought, could be that the family in town has a lot to do with that, plus the fact that there is one of us with Trey 22(ish) hours a day. 

I didn't call the RE today, I was going to but then the day got away from me.  I will try to give them a call this week.  If things go right I could be TTC again by late summer (unless he lets me go earlier).  I am hoping...but at the same time I feel a bit scared as I was super sick and there is a huge chance that it will happen again...and with the drugs I will be on I wouldn't be surprised if we have many many follies ready.  Twins anyone? 

Oh, and I feel like a zombie today.  My throat is scratchy, I have some snot, and Trey has been having a rough time sleeping.  He sleeps great on my chest, but I fall asleep also and I am not sure that him being on my chest is the safest thing...his crib just isn't doing it for him.  He likes the pack and play better!  Life with a preemie?  Or am I just holding him too much?  Hummm...things to ponder...

Had my 6 week checkup today. Everything is good, doc recommended birth control, I told him I am not going on it (I dont' O on my own EVER) and I asked when he recommended we try again if we wanted another child. He said 6-8 months, then thought about my issues and all the mess with the infertility doc and then he changed his mind and said a year. WTH? I told him we wouldn't be waiting that long, he asked if we were in a hurry...LOL...yes! We were expecting to be done with TTC a long time ago (we have been trying for over 10 years). So then he said to call my infertility doctor and see what he recommends. I will be calling tomorrow! My OB didn't mention anything about the severe pre-e and HELLP syndrome, he did talk about the fact that the placenta didn't some out ok (came out in pieces and some had to be vacuumed out). Hoping to hear good things tomorrow!

5 weeks ago...

5 weeks ago I had a nosebleed that wouldn't stop!  Oh, and I had just pushed out a 3 pound baby...:)

Trey is dong great!  He is still on the 3 hour schedule that he was on in the level II nursery.  He is taking 2oz nat every feeding (sometimes 3oz but that is not often), his bowels have gotten a bit plugged up since my milk dried up and we had to go to straight formula, bathtime is FUN!  LOL...not really, at least not yet.  He is not too fond of bathtime but I know that will change with time. 

Today starts the one week countdown and I will be headed back to work.  We have a family member flying in next week to help on Wed and Thurs (I have Fri off).  I work afternoons so it isn't like we need help all day, I just didn't want to put him in daycare at 6 weeks old...we have family coming to help until around June 1st...:)  But DH and I need to decide what will be done after that as I am not sure I want to put him in daycare at all.  I could ask to alter my hours or even cut them back so neither kid is in daycare, we will have to talk about it soon as the daycare provider needs an answer (she wasn't keen on watching him part-time as he will be taking a full-time position).  I am hoping to work out having him there part-time, at least until she has another kid that need the full-time spot...

Something fun to get my mind off of everything...

A-Z

A. Age: 32

B. Bed size: Queen

C. Chore you dislike: Um...all of them actually.  Putting away laundry is the absolute worst though.

D. Dogs: Cane Corso (pronounced kah-nay)

E. Essential start to your day: Now that I am not BF = COFFEE!!!

F. Favorite color: Green...although now it might be blue!

G. Gold or silver: Silver

H. Height: 5ft 9in  (25 more pounds and I will feel like myself again!  Although I only have 10 to lose to get to pre-preg weight)

I. Instruments you play(ed): As a kid I played the piano

J. Job title: Engineering technician (no, I will not go on to become an engineer, everyone at work tells me I should but I see the hours they work!  No thanks!)

K. Kids: 2.  Chloe Simone - 5-almost 6, and Trey - one month today!  He was born 7 weeks early die to severe preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome.  As I have found out recently we are both lucky to be here as I was on the verge of my liver rupturing.

L. Live: Try to live every day to the fullest, some days are better than others.

M. Mom’s name: Carolyn Alexis
N. Nicknames: Now - none.  In high school I was extremely skinny and had many skinny type nicknames.  Hated them.

O. Overnight hospital stays: LOL...a few.  Tonsils when I was younger, hospital stay after giving birth to DD, 3 day stay at 28 weeks pregnant this time around with pneumonia, and a 7 day stay due to preeclampsia (then HELLP syndrome) with this pregnancy.

P. Pet peeves:  When people clip their nails anywhere other than the freaking bathroom!  Ewww!
Q. Quote from a movie:  No clue, that is DH's department.  If I could remember it would probably be something from Due Date as that was a hilarious movie.  I wouldn't have seen it if I wasn't pregnant though, I was a very bitter before I got pregnant this time and I might be again since I might not have the chance to get pregnant again.
R. Righty or lefty: Righty.

S. Siblings: 1 brother and 2 step-sisters.
T. Time you wake up: Every 2-3 hours depending on little man.  Can't let him sleep through the night as he needs his calories!
U. Underwear: Although I am still a bit big around the middle I have changed back to my non-maternity panties!  Yay!  Now I have to lose another pant size and I will feel more normal!

V. Vegetables you don’t like: I like them all.

W. What makes you run late: LOL, DH is usually the culprit although he would blame it on me.

Y. Yummy food you make: Spanakopita.  Enough said.

Z. Zoo animal favorites: Pandas. Uh...monkeys I guess...although they throw poo.
 
I made it all the way through without little man waking up...time to feed him! 

No more milk and most likely no more babies...

Yea, I made it 4 weeks after Trey was born (oh, we are using a nickname for DS now, too many Doug's in the fam) and my milk is gone...I knew this would happen.  I have done everything humanly possible to get my supply up to where it should be for a 4 week old baby, but I just never produced.  PCOS can kiss it (guessing I don't have enough milk glands as my PCOS was early onset).  So formula it is, and nope, I don't feel bad about it as I knew this would happen...it happened with DD also (it was well on it's way when I got PUPPS a few weeks after she was born).

Second issue = to try for another little one or not?  My RE told me to call him as soon as I felt comfortable after this little one was born.  Comfortable?  Not sure when I will feel that way as this pre-e and HELLP syndrome stuff scared DH and I so bad...is having another child the best thing for me and my health?  I am not so sure about that now.  So many other people I know that had pre-e and HELLP had some sort of notice...me?  Nope.  It happened so quick, I found out on Saturday and had the baby by Wednesday...they kept me in the hospital as they were pretty sure I would get very sick very fast, and I did.  So is a 3rd little one in our future?  I will have to ask my OB what he thinks...I am pretty sure I will have to be with a high risk OB is we do decide to go ahead.  Plus I am not sure what my RE will think about all of this...

Plus I wonder is there is any long term damage to my liver...I hope my OB gets all the information from the hospital where I was treated.  I know I was in horrible shape (they wouldn't have induced me, they told me that they would keep me as sick as possible for as long as possible - that equaled a little over 3 days), but for my OB to tell me not to try again that would definitely solidify everything.   

8 days later...

So here I sit, staring at my little man...such a perfect little one.  I feel so blessed!  I think back and realize that this whole pre-e thing came from out of the blue and I wonder about the what if's...what if I hadn't gone to L&D that night?  What if my liver hadn't felt like it was going to explode?  I am thankful that everything happened the way that it did, no questioning that there was something wrong with me. 

Even though this whole experience was completely different than the one I had with DD, it couldn't have worked out better.  (DD was an 8lb-er, was not good at nursing, then I got PUPPPS and had to quit, DS was 3 pounds, and is a BFing champ!  It is great, he surprised everyone as he took to BF right after he was born (with a shield of course, his mouth is still too little), I knew he would as he LOVED that paci...I loathe the day I go back to work as I know I won't get that bonding time...)  I look back at the days I had to leave the hospital crying without my little bundle of joy and I understand now that the time I spent there was totally worth it (uh, I was there for every feeding for so many days in a row that I lost track of everything...showers, brushing my hair and my teeth, sleep, forgot to eat, etc).  I believe I kept myself from going crazy by being there, hanging out in the hospital with my little man.  The feedings were at 2am, 5am, 8am, 11am, 2pm, 5pm, 8pm, and 11pm.  I believe that most of the nurses thought that I was crazy, they kept telling me to get some sleep, but how was I supposed to sleep when my little guy was there and I wasn't caring for him?  It took me over a week to realize that he was being cared for in the best way possible. 

Now that he is home it is our job to care for him, and those first few days with a preemie were pretty hard.  It has been much easier now that I am on a schedule with him, but a short 3 weeks from now I will be going back to work...yay.  My boss told me to try to get some more time off, but there isn't a doc out there that would do that for me, I am fine now (took about 4 days to get normal after the pre-e and spinal headache).  We have family coming to visit to help out when I have to go back to work (we don't have close family local to us that can stay and watch DS while we are at work).

And on to the pics...:)