Monday, June 28, 2010

5 years old

Chloe is 5 today ;)...Some people say "Time flies, kids grow up so fast!"...what do I think?  "Wow, 5 years and I haven't gotten pregnant!  5 years of my life gone...hoping and wishing for another little one to bless our family..."   

Secondary infertility sucks.  I don't know how else to put it.  A friend recently questioned me when I described myself as infertile.  Heck, even my OB thought since I already had a kid all I needed to do was "give it time"...BWAHAHAHAHA!  It is funny (not really HAHA funny) because most people probably don't even think about it, that is until they go through it.  I have dealt with this my whole adult life.  I know I have said this many times before, but before I got pregnant with Chloe I will admit that I really had no idea what I was missing out on.  I mean, I WANTED a child, desperately...but now the feeling is different.  I feel sometimes as if I am running out of time.  You know, the clock is ticking...;)  Plus with the chances of having to go overseas for an extended period of time I sit and worry about my future and the future of our next children and the emotional toll it will take on my family.  Especially if we end up having to wait a much longer time to try for the next bundle of joy.

Less than a week left on BCP.  I am guesstimating that I will be able to start another round of Gonal f towards the end of July.  Not sure how long I will have to stay on that, last time I was on double the dosage I will be this time and I injected the drugs for 8 days and then ended up taking the trigger on the 11th day.  If it goes the same this time it will probably be around the 2nd week in August that I trigger and then 2 weeks later before I find out any results.  I will be out of town for a couple weeks in September, and looking at the calendar that will completely mess up my chances to start a new cycle right away.  Maybe I will ask to go on the pill if I get a negative pregnancy test (or if this cycle gets cancelled too)...then I can start again right after coming back from being out of town...

Ugh.  I really dislike all the planning that is involved in infertility and the drugs and appointments.  It sure does mess up vacation or out of town work that has to be done. 

Countdown is ON!

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