Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Is counting pregnant women weird?

Yep.  I do it all the time.  It is funny really...the way that people try to explain why I see gobs and gobs of pregnant women all the time is because I want it so bad.  Uh, really?  So seeing 2 pregnant ladies in the random aisle that I chose to walk down when I was shopping at Lowe's is because I want to be pregnant so bad?  Uh, I think not.  Lowe's?  I can understand seeing 12 pregnant ladies at the mall, but Lowe's?  LOL 

So now I count them.  There's one...oh, look!  Another one!  And yet another...oh, wait, she might just be chunky...Yes, I have made a game of it. 

It has taken me so long to get to this point.  I was avoiding ladies and their bellies for such a long time.  Now I can go to baby showers and help friends register for baby crap.  This whole infertile stuff hasn't made me stronger, it has made me more jealous and bitter.  It sucks and I hate to be negative about it all, but really?  How would you feel at this point?

12 more days on birth control and then I can start down regulation again.  So about a month from now I will (hopefully) be starting my 2nd injectables cycle, on a lower dose of drugs.  If it works and we get our BFP, I am hoping for twins so I NEVER have to go through this crap again. 


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