Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Just want to cry

Well, I have to get it out somewhere...it feels like a dagger is being shoved into my heart when I find out a friend is pregnant.  Today it wasn't as bad as usual because the friend that told me she is pregnant has gone through a lot with TTC.  She also has PCOS, but she responds well to Clomid (lucky gal!).  I had a good feeling for her, of course I wouldn't tell her that before I found out as I would have felt like a complete a-hole if I was wrong!  Now I wonder if she is pregnant with more than one...;)

Anyway, it is hard.  Hard because I have such a long time in between cycles, hard because I haven't had a "good" cycle since moving on to the RE, hard because I think people are scared to tell me that they are pregnant, hard because it is getting to the point that pregnancy seems unobtainable, hard because if I have too many follies (99% sure I will) my RE will want to cancel again, hard because I ain't getting any younger! 

Days like today I should be feeling happiness for the one that tells me she is pregnant, right?  So why do I feel like crying?  I feel sad.  I feel sad and like I am left behind...women with all these silly PCOS problems are getting pregnant and here I sit.  Broken.  Alone.  Defeated.  Jealous. 


  1. Your post reminded me of this woman I follow on YouTube. I love the analogy she has for these situations. Check her out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTFOdn5Hqiw&playnext_from=TL&videos=8qqXkQkEV1g
    Take care, I'm praying you get your BFP soon!

  2. Thanks, I will have to check it out! Now to find those darn earphones...;)

  3. I just had a friend tell me she was "accidentally" pregnant with her 4th!! To make things worse she was already 4 months pregnant and didn't want to tell me so she waited. I hate being that girl too!! It sucks!!

  4. I am so sorry. I had a pregnancy announcement from a co-worker this weekend. It was horrible. She doesn't know about our TTC and infertility. She just kept going on and on.

  5. Here from LFCA... Cry, yell, break plates (uh, I mean, cheap throw-away ones, not your dinner plates), whatever it takes because these feelings are completely valid.

    I think one of the worst parts about IF is The Guilt of Jealousy. It compounds all the other feelings into one big mess.


  6. Stopping by from LFCA, to say that I am sorry! I can relate to how you feal and it plain SUCKS! I pray that God grants you peace and helps ease the pain of guilt and jealousy!

  7. here from LFCA, and though I'm now a part of that so-called happy sorority (though it's a little different when you've pregnancies and fear another loss), I just wanted to tell you that I know just what that felt like for months ... it was like EVERYONE was pregnant. Try to be kind to yourself today. *hug*

  8. Over from LFCA too...

    It is like a cold hand grips my heart every time I hear another pregnancy announcement now.

    I am so sorry about it happening to you and it bringing you so low.