Well, I have to get it out somewhere...it feels like a dagger is being shoved into my heart when I find out a friend is pregnant. Today it wasn't as bad as usual because the friend that told me she is pregnant has gone through a lot with TTC. She also has PCOS, but she responds well to Clomid (lucky gal!). I had a good feeling for her, of course I wouldn't tell her that before I found out as I would have felt like a complete a-hole if I was wrong! Now I wonder if she is pregnant with more than one...;)
Anyway, it is hard. Hard because I have such a long time in between cycles, hard because I haven't had a "good" cycle since moving on to the RE, hard because I think people are scared to tell me that they are pregnant, hard because it is getting to the point that pregnancy seems unobtainable, hard because if I have too many follies (99% sure I will) my RE will want to cancel again, hard because I ain't getting any younger!
Days like today I should be feeling happiness for the one that tells me she is pregnant, right? So why do I feel like crying? I feel sad. I feel sad and like I am left behind...women with all these silly PCOS problems are getting pregnant and here I sit. Broken. Alone. Defeated. Jealous.