Thursday, March 25, 2010

Giving and taking...

Well, it's Thursday. One more day of the civilian job work week and then DH and I get to work this weekend for the US Navy. Chloe is going to my step sisters house for the weekend, she loves hanging out with her 2 kids. They have such a great time together.

I ordered an infertility awareness bracelet last week, it arrived in the mail today. Yea, not much else to say about that.

So the giving and taking...last August the drug that my OB put me on worked. I ovulated and I got pregnant. I was using a CBEFM (Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor) and I was charting my temperature so I saw all the shifts in my temperature that I was supposed to see. That was the first time in almost a year of charting that I saw a definite O (ovulation). About 10 days afterwards I started to feel a little funny, sore chest, tired, etc. I had also noticed that my temperature had climbed higher (good sign for pregnancy). So I decided that as soon as I got home I would take a HPT (home pregnancy test). I did and I saw 2 lines, one was much fainter than the other but that is normal for early pregnancy. DH couldn't see it so the next morning I went and bought some digital HPT's. I texted him the + results. It was great! I kept charting my temperature to make sure that it stayed high.

DH had Navy obligations and wasn't home when I noticed my temperature starting to fall, I knew then what was going to happen. I called the OB office and the ER to ask if there was anything that could be done to save the pregnancy. One nurse that I talked to asked how far along I thought I was, I told her, she then asked me why I tested so early. see if I was pg! Really? She said it would be a lot less stressful if next time I didn't do that. I lost it. So stress made me miscarry? Yea, nope. It was probably a genetic abnormality. No one needs a nurse to talk to them like that. So that was it. God gave me the one thing that I have been desiring for years...and then he took it away. The next day the cramps started. Not menstrual cramps, but something more...they were pretty painful (and I have a high pain tolerance). I don't get my cycle on my own so when it came I knew that it was a m/c (miscarriage). I had to take a day off of work. I don't do that, but that day I did. Thse next 4 mornings were not pleasant. But you know what the hardest thing for me to do was? Telling Chloe why I was uncontrollably crying all the time. She even cried a little with me.

I jumped the gun on that pregnancy, I started washing my old maternity clothes, I knew my due date (May 15th) and after a few days of being pregnant I bought Chloe a "I'm going to be a big sister" t-shirt. Wish I would've gotten it a size or 2 bigger now.

So here I am. Day 3 of 10 on 100mg Clomid. My side effects so far are: hot flashes, nausea, my chest is tender, I'm bloated, I am emotional, and probably a little bit crazy too. Hoping that those follicles grow and we see some type of progress on those non-follicle-growing ovaries.

1 comment:

  1. Oh honey. That's horrible. I got pregnant with twins the first time I ever took Clomid. I miscarried one of them at 13 weeks. The doctor told me I wouldn't see anything at the birth of my other child (Julian, who is 6 months now), but she was wrong. A few days after I gave birth, I started cramping contractions. I went to the bathroom and passed a fetus. I could count toes, fingers, it had two arms, two legs and you could see where the eyes were, etc. It was the most horrid thing I have ever had to experience. I am so scared that if/when I get pregnant again, that that will happen again. The doctor said "something" must have been wrong with it. Maybe its little heart just stopped beating or something. Still makes me cry.
    Also, OMG clomid makes me have hot flashes in the worst way and the moods are insane!!!