Awareness

This hurts. Infertility. Every time I POAS I cringe. I already know what the results are going to be. I will NOT give up this time. I am going the distance on this...



I purchased a infertility awareness bracelet yesterday, I will wear it all the time in hopes of someday actually being pregnant again and possibly striking up a conversation with the lady in the OB office that can't look at any of the pregnant bellies. That lady was me until I got the referral to see an RE. I put off going to the OB for months for fear of seeing those protruding round baby-filled bellies. That year was horrible. Every time I went there were at least 5 huge bellied women sitting in the waiting room. It took all I had not to stare and cry. I love that children are not allowed in the RE's office, also once you do get pregnant they refer you back to your OB well before you start showing. That would be wonderful, wouldn't it? Leaving the follie scan that showed no measurable follies and then seeing some big bellied woman in the waiting room. Shoot me!

Oh...and baby showers. Don't even get me started. I can't go to them. It took everything I had to go a girlfriend's shower a little over 2 years ago. Since then I have refused. If just seeing pregnant ladies in church makes my eyes well up with tears, then imagine what a baby shower would do to me. Now I am dealing with seeing all of these ladies at church with their babies...it hurts to look at them. And then the eyes well up with tears and I look to the sky to ask God "Why? Why me?"