Monday, June 14, 2010

Oh, yay. Birth control it is.

Aaaahhhh....the life of Erica. RE appt today. I was supposed to start Gonal f this week. Nope. 2 large cysts on one of my ovaries. Started BCP today to shrink them so I can start over. What sucks is that I had already done the 10 days on the mini pill and the 10 days on Lupron for down regulation. And I will have to do those again after around a month and a half from now I can attempt another cycle.

So, that is 0, yes ZERO cycles where I have had a 2ww since August. I know ALL that I need is a freaking O and I will have a great shot at pregnancy....I don't know how else to put it. I get so freaking jealous of everyone and their "normal" cycles...getting AF on your own, having an O, and getting a 2ww. I know from experience that a m/c is the worst possible thing that can happen...but you know what? I just want a freaking chance at an O! I am on the verge of giving up yet again (I have given up TTC 4 or so times in the last 4 years)...

I am tired...tired of my broken body, tired of seeing everyone get pregnant, tired of seeing the look in my husbands eyes when I tell him the latest bad news from the RE, tired of looking into DD's eyes and trying to promise her that she WILL be a big sister some day, tired of waiting to hear if I get to go to Afghanistan, or Iraq, or somewhere over there to serve my country, tired of it all.

I need a beer.


  1. Sorry you had such a rough day...I am praying for you.

  2. I'm so sorry. I am also on BCP this week. I know how you are feeling. I just remind myself that it will happen and we have to be patient. hugs.

  3. So sorry hon... praying for you... call anytime - I miss talking to you.

  4. I'm also on BCP after my baseline revealed cysts. Hang in there.