Wednesday, January 26, 2011

A long way...

As I sit and think about the last 4 or so years, I have come to the realization that I have changed.  I went from being a happy mom of a 1.5 year old awesome little girl, to a pretty bitter infertile lady, then a lady that had a pregnancy taken away from her (still a bittter infertile lady), and now I am a scared pregnant lady.  Scared of something going wrong, scared of the unknown...well, just plain scared.

I have been invited to probably around 10 baby showers in the last 3 years and how many did I end up going to?  Only 3.  And 2 of those showers were last year after I started this blog...which has been a great emotional outlet. 

Looking back I just want to kick myself.  Why didn't the OB believe me?  Just because you have a child (which by the way was not an easy task either!  5 years and lots of heartache) doesn't mean you aren't suffering from SIF.  I am so thankful to have found an awesome RE that understands and invited me back again next year after this little miracle blesses us with his/her smiling face...:)  Maybe we will try for another?  Maybe not, but having that option feels like an absolute blessing.


  1. Those who have never faced it have an incredibly difficult time grasping the concept, even medical professionals who SHOULD get it, or at least pretend. My husband and I are both from REALLY fertile families...our problems confuse the hell out of them. It's hard.

    But yes, there are blessings in disguise with all of it. The absolute knowledge that your child will have of being totally wanted. This community. And so on. HUGS.

  2. Well, that might be my first award...LOL Thanks!
    My husband and I come from families like yours, very fertile. It was so hard for me to come to the realization that we aren't (and never will be) like our families and the only way to become a mother again was to go the route we did. Although IF changed me, I believe it did change me for the better, it opened my eyes, opened them to the fact that I was infertile before DD, and I will never be a "normal" fertile lady, it brought me into a world where I hope I have helped at least 1 woman in her struggles.

  3. My TTC of 18 months changed me too. I feel like the early part of this pregnancy was taken away from me as i never got to enjoy the first trimester as i was constantly worried about another m/c. I didnt even get excited when I first got my BFP either, I feel ripped off at times, but very happy about this little miracle on board.