Tuesday, April 20, 2010


I got the call yesterday from the fertility clinic, I am starting this new cycle tomorrow! It will be a long one as I won't even start stimming (follicle stimulating hormones/injectables) until after May 4th (or 5th). From what I have found online, the average stimulation with the injectables is 7 days. I hope that I fall somewhere in that average as those drugs are scary expensive!

The clinic sent me a package with a lot of paperwork in it, but me being my usual self I misplaced it. Not that it is a huge deal, I can find all the info on the internet...but it had some cool spread sheets in it for me to keep track of when I take meds. I asked Doug to look for it in his car, maybe I will get lucky! Humm...if I don't find the paperwork I will just note everything on a calendar or something...

It is hard for me to feel hopeful. I know my body doesn't work right, I have "known" that for a long time (took a fertility doctor to figure it all out, that is nuts). I don't want to think negatively, but how can I not? All these years...feels like they have been wasted...seeing friends and family on their 2nd or 3rd or 4th pregnancy, I can't even begin to describe the feeling of defeat.

A little over one month from now I could be pregnant. I have been thinking that way for 30+ months and with each month that has passed I feel like a little bit of my heart has broken. The last 4 months have been much easier...I know what is going on with my body, I have seen proof of it on the ultrasound monitor. So even if these new drugs don't work, there will be a plan for the next month, and if that month doesn't prove fruitful then there will be a plan for the month after that...and all of that could get me one step closer to what I have been hoping and praying for all this time...

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