tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-65376861965346306172024-03-06T14:01:58.540-06:00Bite me PCOS.12 years of TTC, loss, and unanswered questions...1st PCOS miracle born unmedicated after 6 years of IF, 2nd miracle born 6 years later (SIF)- 7 weeks early...Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger221125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-38946027724252309352012-06-18T14:57:00.001-05:002012-06-18T14:57:28.185-05:0015 month appointmentHi all. I have been thinking a lot about this blog...it was first started as a TTC with IF blog and I never intended for it to become an "all about baby" blog, but thought an update was in order.<br />
<br />
T is now 15 months old, 20lbs 15oz (7%), 31.something inches (65%) and head circ is 91%. Walking, talking, and has 10 teeth (2 molars coming in - eeek!). He hasn't had an ear infection (yet) and has been in the best health since we brought him home from the hospital after his 13 day stay after he was born. <br />
<br />
Other than that? Not much going on. DH and I have talked about TTC#3, but at this point in our lives that is taking a back burner as we are both busy with our civilian and military careers. I long for another child, but value my health (and life) and there is always that fear lurking in the back of my brain as to what could happen if we TTC again (high chance at multiples and high chance at Pre-E/HELLP again). <br />
<br />
So for now, I am signing off although I will keep this blog up and running as I hope that my journey helps someone else out there....<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-35835601184914628782012-03-02T14:47:00.000-06:002012-03-02T14:47:05.847-06:00Countdown to 1st brithday!Someone's little boy will be 1 year old in 2 weeks! Eeeek!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-72278217769316240052012-01-26T16:58:00.000-06:002012-01-26T16:58:31.981-06:00PrediabeticIt isn't like I eat horribly...but, pretty sure I am right about this. Thanks again PCOS. My appointment can't come fast enough.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-38679022547770555202012-01-17T15:10:00.000-06:002012-01-17T15:10:11.868-06:00Endocrinologist appt and a non-crawling 10 month old...Finally. A doctor listened to my concerns! My fasting blood sugar read high and I am awaiting an appointment with someone that might be able to give me some answers. Reminds me that I need to find out from my dad who on his side of the family ended up with diabetes at a young age. I am not obese, but I know there is something funky going on in my body and has been going on for a long time, maybe I can get some straight answers as to how PCOS has affected not just my fertility, but other aspects of my life also. <br />
<br />
T is still not crawling. He is becoming quite mobile on his back by using his legs to push himself around. He doesn't roll much anymore, but loves to play in his Jumperoo and in his Bright Starts Activity Station. I have had many comments on how babies should crawl and that he will have issues later (reading, dexterity, etc) if he doesn't, but I have been doing a lot of reading and found that he just might skip crawling...and that is perfectly fine (as per his pediatrician). And you know what? It isn't like I am preventing him from crawling! I mean, really? Sometimes I wish people would stop giving parenting advice (assvice) but that might be asking a bit too much...:)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-64502637828714188002012-01-09T17:26:00.000-06:002012-01-09T17:26:20.579-06:00And HALT!LOL. Sometimes I make myself laugh and I need one today! Fellow Navy personnel will (maybe) understand the title. <br />
<br />
So, we were bound and determined to go for #3. I was 100% positive AF would stay away due to my crazy PCOS, but to my surprise she showed TWICE in a month! Holy crap. I was going to call today to schedule my HSG. But..nope, DH got home and informed me that he will probably be going overseas for a bit (3+ months). He would leave sometime next month so TTC #3 is on hold and probably won't happen now as I will have to adjust my schedule to allow for daycare. And 2 (possibly 3) little ones in daycare (plus DD in the summer) would literally bankrupt us. <br />
<br />
I am trying to get to a place where I am ok with this, but after TTC for 12 years it is a hard thing for me to do. Everyone that suffers from IF has their roadblocks, but dang...our 2nd careers in the military really do throw a wrench in our "plans". I guess the problem that I have is that I never got that "feeling" that so many other moms have told me about, the feeling that my family is complete. I hate to feel forced that my family is complete, but I have to remember that we have 2 beautiful miracle children.<br />
<br />
Something that I HAVE to remember is that my RE reiterated that we were lucky, not just from having preeclampsia and HELLP (and both the baby and I surviving), but that we had 2 follies ready and 5 more that were so close that he was going to call off the cycle. I am glad he didn't tell me that then as I would have been a mess as his clinic doesn't "allow" more than a twin pregnancy.<br />
<br />
So fellow IF-ers...for now I am signing off. I don't really want to think about TTC or anything related to it(which reminds me, I need to distance myself from all the mom groups as those women are TTC again and there are quite a few that are pg again).<br />
<br />
I will leave you all with a recent pic of Trey. Our HELLP miracle. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEpkDob9QGOp-lAhqptO0Oz_6CJFVKQQD7Zb99wM14Nr-KIl7r9PTQVUTAVZgQ4d0-wTZRtK63j-mtjbezsQwN8vjnAHCxUPKknS4p11mcbyzbtRCJGNCgCGvGWl3sCZHeCCWsafhbY0Y/s1600/BW.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320px" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEpkDob9QGOp-lAhqptO0Oz_6CJFVKQQD7Zb99wM14Nr-KIl7r9PTQVUTAVZgQ4d0-wTZRtK63j-mtjbezsQwN8vjnAHCxUPKknS4p11mcbyzbtRCJGNCgCGvGWl3sCZHeCCWsafhbY0Y/s320/BW.jpg" width="212px" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-29010645142514950722011-12-22T17:40:00.000-06:002011-12-22T17:40:04.822-06:00Struggle...So, I haven't been the best blogger in the world. Eh, whatever. <br />
<br />
I am truly lucky. Lucky to have the children that I was blessed with, lucky to have a great career (um, 2 of them), lucky to have the best DH a woman could have, and lucky to be alive. I am truly happy, yet I long for another child. It is hard to explain to my friends that have never dealt with IF, but how does one know that they are finished having children? I am not sure that a number can be placed on how many children I would like to have. DH laughed when I told him that. I know it will be a struggle for both of us as we work opposite shifts, but a few years of that will benefit our bank account, and will give both of us lots of time with the kids. <br />
<br />
And...I will start Metformin tonight. And I WILL open the paperwork that arrived in the mail from the RE. Tonight. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-84719775241916409742011-12-12T18:04:00.000-06:002011-12-12T18:04:35.401-06:00And it starts again....So the decision has been made. The RE's office got a call from me today. I am waiting on my next AF and then I will call them back (well...I will call them after 35 days of no AF which will be in early January), then I start BCP and schedule an HSG. Then it is on to Lupron! For now I can get started back on Metformin. <br />
<br />
I "might" get a good O close to Trey's 1st bday! Holy crap. We are trying this again...and not wasting time on Clomid. <br />
<br />
And yes, got the go ahead from all the docs!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-50616815164323545512011-11-28T16:42:00.000-06:002011-11-28T16:42:02.835-06:00Been a bit quiet...Apologies...if I have many bloggie readers? LOL<br />
<br />
Why, you ask, have I been quiet? Well, I have been working some serious hours at work (and for the Navy), and the time I spend at home is spent with the kids. Facebook, blogs, shopping (eeek!) has all taken the backburner. <br />
<br />
Got the results from the high-risk OB (and RE) and all of my bloodwork looks normal (no blood clotting issues and liver function is normal). So...we got the go ahead for TTC #3. Upon getting that news we have also been faced with the possibility that DH might get military orders to be away for 3 months to a year. So TTC might be taking the backburner. Not sure yet, which sucks something fierce. <br />
<br />
I keep putting off calling the RE back to get on Metformin and BCP, they probably think I am a huge flake, but I hate to start something if we can't finish it. I have been debating starting slow (Clomid) but I know what will happen (nothing) so I think we might just get back into it with the IVF med routine and TI.<br />
<br />
And on that note...AF has been missing for awhile now. Last one was the beginning of September...no, not pregnant as my body doesn't work like that. I did test and was (suprisingly) not disappointed. Been thinking about calling the OB and getting on BCP to try and get this crazy body in some kind of normal state. Oh, and I am still fat. Almost 9 months post baby and I have 20lbs to lose...? Starting the Reboot your Life program tomorrow...after a trip to the grocery store to spend some serious dough on produce. Then I might do a cleanse also as my system is all kids of messed up. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-71371434763320609632011-10-27T20:48:00.000-05:002011-10-27T20:48:05.626-05:00High risk...So, at my appt with my RE I told him I wanted to see a high risk OB to ask questions about pre-e and HELLP happening again. My appt was yesterday. The high risk OB was great (the nurse was a bit more informative though), she answered our questions, gave us lots of good info, and we left there feeling great. 1 in 4 chance at pre-e again, and a 5% chance of HELLP if I get pre-e again. I knew all of that as I have been studying up a bit on it all. Some blood was drawn to check for blood clotting issues (I had a very bad bleed at 13 weeks with Trey) and those results should come back in a few weeks. The doc mentioned taking baby aspirin but wasn't sure what I should do since I am allergic to aspirin. She explained about Trey's placenta not being as healthy as it should have been (clotting issues? A fluke? Pre-e and HELLP have no known causes). She talked a bit about the D&C I had to get placenta out (I just called it the vacuum), and she said there is nothing preventing us trying again. I mentioned my weight (I am about 25lbs over my "normal" weight) and she said I am within my BMI and weight isn't an issue. <br />
<br />
Funny...she knows my RE. Small world in the doctor community I guess. I will be calling the RE to get meds started soon. I am hoping the Metformin helps out a bit with my weight issues and sugar cravings. :) And now I have to get into the TTC mindset again...exciting and scary as my mind keeps going back to the appt with the RE. Having 2 follies mature was great, but the fact that there were 5 more that were close makes me nervous of overstimulating again. Guess we'll see what happens. <br />
<br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-55790632890410662952011-10-12T22:57:00.000-05:002011-10-12T22:57:01.241-05:00PCOS and pregnancy complications.Wish I would have found this MUCH earlier!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.tree.com/health/ovarian-cysts-polycystic-ovarian-syndrome-pcos-pregnancy.aspx">http://www.tree.com/health/ovarian-cysts-polycystic-ovarian-syndrome-pcos-pregnancy.aspx</a><br />
<br />
Now that I have dealt with this I will know what to look for if we get the go ahead (and decide to go ahead).Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-65146487646331590592011-10-11T23:23:00.000-05:002011-10-11T23:23:23.355-05:0010/26I kept reminding myself to call the high risk OB...then my home phone rang and I was busy, checked it later and sure enough, it was them...funny as they were supposed to call last week. I called back and made the appointment, we'll see what they say. <br />
<br />
I know I need to lose some weight (20lbs) to be healthier, but I am still under the max BMI for my RE to treat me. Yay. <br />
<br />
DH and I have talked and will make our decision after we talk to the high risk OB.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-19898836465197685172011-10-11T00:00:00.001-05:002011-10-11T22:30:43.418-05:00Still no call...:/The high risk OB hasn't called me back yet, so I will try to remember to call tomorrow. DH and I have had a long talk about it all and are ok either way...we are so very lucky to have 2 IF miracles. We always wanted 3 little ones, so it will be hard for us to call it quits (12 years hoping and praying takes a toll on you though)...<br />
<br />
T is doing well, he is growing like a weed just like his big sis! He almost skipped 6 month sized clothes completely. He is now in 9 month clothes and won't be for long...silly mom bought his winter gear in 12 month sizes...won't last him through the winter!<br />
<br />
Had a crappy week, had some water damage to the house - carpet and walls will be getting replaced; lost my purse (maybe stolen?), and found evidence of a rodent in our basement ceiling. Maybe this week will be better.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-62560258177764723012011-09-27T16:34:00.000-05:002011-09-27T16:34:42.274-05:00RE consultation.The RE was great. He asked how the baby was doing, wanted to see a pic, and then we jumped right into what he wants to do to get us pregnant again. He did say that he wants me to talk to a high risk OB (peri) first though as we want to know the chances at this happening again (I have found online that it is 1 in 4 at pre-e again, but nothing for HELLP), and what the path forward will be (bed rest?). After that is done we can go ahead with Metformin and BCP and then an HSG. Oh, Metformin AFTER I get my liver function tested....which makes me a bit nervous as this HELLP syndrome thing did a number on my liver. <br />
<br />
So the plan? He said we could go straight to injectables, but I think I would like to try a round of Clomid (100mg for cd3-12) to see if it will work. I would rather not put my body through the mess of menopause and injectables again (especially since I haven't lost all the weight! UGH!)...but we will do what is needed. He did talk a bit my crazy ovaries and that if did end up doing IVF we wouldn't need to spend much (if any) on injectable drugs as I need 1/3 of what a "normal" gal needs. LOL He also mentioned that he was a bit nervous when I got pg as there were 2 follies ready with 3 trailing close behind...so hence the 1 round of Clomid. I am a bit nervous for multiples...I would welcome them with open arms, but some serious changes would have to be made (take leave from work for an undetermined amount of time etc).<br />
<br />
So...tomorrow I will be heading in to the clinic to get some blood drawn, then hopefully I will be getting a call soon as to when my appt with the peri's will be...:)<br />
<br />
And this time around feels different. I have a feeling we are not done with kids, but I am a bit more relaxed about it all. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-23617462908519967892011-09-20T23:59:00.001-05:002011-09-20T23:59:08.764-05:00TuesdayI don't like you Tuesday. That is all.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-74961678806434611102011-09-19T22:01:00.000-05:002011-09-19T22:01:44.382-05:006 month stats! And other news...Our 3.5 pound preemie is officially on the charts! Trey had his 6 month appointment today, 15lbs 5oz and 27in, 11%-ile for weight and 68%-ile for height. His head is in the 85%-ile. Last appointment (4 months) he was 2%-ile for weight and 3%-ile for height. Long and skinny, just like his sister...:)<br />
<br />
<br />
I am thinking about asking the RE if I should see a perinatologist (sp?) before we decide to move on with #3. This is due to the fact that a peri would be able to tell me if it is a good idea if I get pregnant again or not. I know there are HUGE chances at pre-e/HELLP again and I want to know what a peri thinks...an RE's opinion is great, but they just get me pregnant...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-3519367716280847142011-09-16T15:17:00.000-05:002011-09-16T15:17:44.868-05:00Trey is 6 months old...:)What has been going on in my world...<br />
<br />
1. I work 40+ hours a week, DH and I switch up at night so no daycare is needed (except for Friday's and drill weekend). This weekend will mark the 2nd weekend in a row that I have had drill (not to mention my full-time work during the week). Makes for a nice bank account, but a tired mommy.<br />
<br />
2. Trey has started solids, all homemade, rice cereal, bananas, avocado, sweet potato, and next will probably be green beans...not sure yet. He is doing great (in my eyes, the 6 month appt Monday will show how well he is REALLY doing). He doesn't sellp through the night, but we have had a few night that I had to go check on him as he slept a good 7-8 hours. Of course then he woke up famished.<br />
<br />
3. BF. Yes, my body failed me, I came to terms with the fact that I don't produce enough (any) and I was fine with it until I noticed women on my expecting club blasting the board with blog entries that are not the nicest to formula feeding moms. <br />
<br />
4. 9/27 - the day I head back to the RE. Curious to see what he says about everything, curious as to when we could start again. It will have to wait until after the cruise I have planned with a few girlfriends in December...If I plan it right I could be coming back from the cruise right around the time I would be done with the BCP before down regulation.<br />
<br />
5. I am tired. I get maybe 4 hours (interrupted) of sleep a night. I am not sure how long I can do this without going insane. <br />
<br />
6. Something I realized recently...I don't have many IRL friends anymore...probably because I work so much, but also I think that having a new little one when most of my friends that have kids - theirs aren't babies...hummm...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-49198050395865546842011-09-14T19:16:00.000-05:002011-09-14T19:16:23.049-05:00Breastfeeding.Yea. Why a post about this? Because I get "looks". I pull out the bottle, get the formula dispenser, and proceed to make a bottle for my (thriving) baby and women stare. Now either they are staring at my voluptuous figure or they are judging me. I say it is the latter. See, I have been through this before, I tried and tried to breastfeed DD. I could type up this long blog about why I had to stop, but it really isn't worth my time. I was heartbroken that I couldn't do the most simple thing for my baby....<br />
<br />
Fast forward to baby T. I got everything ready ahead of time as I knew I would have issues with BF. I had supplements, a pump, nursing bras (nice ones this time!), nursing nightgowns, clothes, storage for the milk, etc. I pumped (no joke) 10 times a day for a month (hospital grade pump). The best milk I ever had was about a week after he was born, I pumped a whole ounce from both breasts after feeding him! I had appointments with lactation consultants, and I could see the sadness in their eyes...I made it a month before my supply was gone (the last week I was pumping an ounce TOTAL a day). You see, PCOS didn't just doesn't affect my fertility, it also affects my ability to feed my children. Not to mention my issue with weight loss, my insatiable desire for sweets....you get the picture. So my mammary glands suck. So do my ovaries. <br />
<br />
So...formula it is. <br />
<br />
Remember this the next time you look at a gal that is mixing up that bottle of formula. Or the next time you comment on a post on FB, or your HUSBAND asks a gal if she is BF (yea, thanks dude...kinda awkward), or post about how formula isn't natural, etc. I have no other choice. And you know what? Circumstances are different for everyone, maybe someone had the choice and could BF, but decided to FF, that is their choice. So trying to scare me with the known risks associated with FF? Nope...I am feeding my baby, he is thriving, and even though I would love to BF, I don't feel bad about my body not working correctly (ha, now I don't). Sometimes things don't go as planned.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-50757157728603452582011-09-06T20:16:00.000-05:002011-09-06T20:16:01.654-05:003 weeks.9/27 is the day I go for a consultation at the RE. So I have 3 weeks to lose some of this disgusting fat...LOL...looking like protein shakes, fruit, fiber, lo-cal frozen meals, and low fat cottage cheese for me! I have managed to gain back 10 of the 25lbs I had lost...:(Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-32868028996253308482011-09-03T21:48:00.000-05:002011-09-03T21:48:12.171-05:00Tuesday is the dayThe day that I call my great IF doctor back to make an appointment for a consultation. We'll see what he says about the preeclampsia, HELLP syndrome, 33 week premie, and trying again! Thinking he will start me on BCP and Metformin right away and then maybe we can start this crazy road again in a month or so? I have been putting off talking to DH about this, just nervous as to what he would say. He was waiting on me...waiting for me to make an appointment. The doc figured out what works so why not? Sure we will have a rough couple of years with a few under 2 in the house, but if we don't do it now we won't go for it...:) <br />
<br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-51876528428105432402011-08-30T19:58:00.000-05:002011-08-30T19:58:36.724-05:00Losers with liceSo...I thought "dirty" people got lice. Wrong!<br />
<br />
The other day DD came up to me and said her head was itchy. I almost brushed it off to mosquito bites as we had been outside the night before and all of us had been feasted on. So I lifted her hair and exclaimed, "What the heck are those brown dots?" About 3 seconds later I figured it out. After we both freaked out for about 10 minutes I decided to wake the baby up and get to Walgreen's to buy some lice stuff. I had no clue what to buy. I bought Rid and did both of us. The problem with doing yourself is that I couldn't use that special brush. Anyway, I spent 3+ hours on DD's hair (the whole time asking her if I could just cut it really short - in which she replied "I would rather not look like a boy Mom.") <br />
<br />
The rest of that day was spent washing, vacuuming, washing more, and trying not to freak out. We had a picnic and a birthday party to attend, neither of which either one of us got too close to anyone. The next day, I spent another few hours in her hair, finding tiny eggs....shudder....and the day went on, more laundry, vacuuming, etc. LAter in the evening I felt an itch. On my scalp. I thought I had avoided it....nope. Must have some in my hair from all the laundry...:( Freaked out again, called a friend, and she spent the evening and the whole next day helping me out with my hair and the house. <br />
<br />
Lice are no joke. Hoping that we don't have a re-infestation. Especially since I have to work...don't want to introduce them there...but I bet I already have, unknowingly. <br />
<br />
I think I am going home tonight after work and dousing my head with olive oil. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-20364402226284801192011-08-22T19:24:00.000-05:002011-08-22T19:24:33.435-05:00Couldn't stay gone long.<br />
Broken record, so please skip over this blog entry if you are sick of my SIF madness posts...I will be the first to admit that I struggle almost daily with thoughts about infertility (or loss, preemies, or general mom stuff), thankfully I have beat IF twice, but my whole life has been affected by PCOS. <br />
<br />
So I had made up my mind to take a break. A break from FB, a break from this blog, a break from all things online. Well, it really didn't happen. I made it 18 hours and reactivated my FB account! But those 18 hours? I didn't sit and wonder about what was going on in FB-land, I had more time to clean around the house, more time to hang with my little dude, my DD,and DH, and I had more time to cook <-- which I don't do a lot of, regretfully. <br />
<br />
During the break (and times I am not glued to the screen) I did a lot of thinking and I am still torn. I have been extremely lucky in life (luck, chance, blessed, etc) and I am thankful for the miracles that I have sleeping soundly in their beds at night. But alas...there is that feeling that I thought would completely subside once I held baby #2 in my arms (I now think once an IF-er always an IF-er), I have the feeling that my family *might* not yet be complete (which if I were "normal " would have been complete years ago). With that feeling come a lot of other emotions, along with the thoughts of another miscarriage, multiple gestations (gladly welcomed but not by my fertility doctor), the IVF drug protocol (with TI) not working this time and having to make that decision - IVF or be happy with not feeling our family is complete. I gladly welcome the weight gain from the drugs (although I still have 15+ pounds to drop before I go back to the RE), I welcome the crazy emotional rollercoaster that comes with Lupron, BCP, Gonal-f, trigger, and progesterone (I thought Clomid was bad - these drugs definitely take the cake), I welcome the feeling that I am pregnant once I start progesterone, but I am not sure about the rest of what could happen.<br />
<br />
DD was a completely normal pregnancy, minus the changing my EDD by 3 weeks thing (should have been a hint that there might be something wrong - not going with a midwife again after my issues), but with Trey things were different. That little 3 pounder changed me, changed the way that I look at life, changed the way that I look at my kids, heck - the whole experience changed me. I fear pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome, but I have hope. Hope that a different drug protocol with help to keep those things from happening again, hope that I will be with a much different doctor (you are fired Mr. OB that doesn't believe anything I say whether it be IF/SIF or that there is something wrong in my pregnancy), hope that I will have a viable pregnancy and it won't take yet another 5 years.<br />
<br />
How will I "know"? That is my dilemma. I don't "know" if my family is complete. I mean why would I stop trying once I know what has a huge possibility of getting me another miracle? <br />
<br />
On that note, DH and I have to have a discussion about all of this. Now that T. is out of his crazy preemie stage I think DH will be ok to talk about our future and if adding to our family again is something we can both agree on. <br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-36501649736773571082011-08-14T23:52:00.000-05:002011-08-14T23:52:31.081-05:00Break.Things are going great, T is a wonderful almost 5 month old little boy, my career couldn't be better, my marriage is wonderful, DD is about to start 1st grade, etc. But other things in my life are wearing me down, it is looking like I have been portraying myself in a way that I wasn't meaning to. I am really not bitter, at least not now, now I see things differently. My journey has made me into who I am, not just my TTC journey, but every experience in my adult life has had an effect and I have learned a lot. <br />
<br />
I am taking a break, not just from here, but from message boards also. This blog has been an outstanding outlet for me, I have gotten a lot of things out there that were having an effect on my life. If things work out to where DH and I go back to the RE, I will definitely be coming back to post regularly. <br />
<br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-57010436901014350282011-08-01T21:33:00.000-05:002011-08-01T21:33:06.745-05:00August...already?I can't believe it is already August. I had told myself we would go back to the IF doc in July....nope. I think we will wait at least until after the new year, give my body time to get semi-normal again. We are still deciding as a family what we want to do, hard decision as with 2 small kids at home I am not sure I can work at all. Although I work at a place that has been extremely flexible with my hours lately.<br />
<br />
I will make Trey's 6 month appointment in the next few weeks, hoping that we will be able to start solids after that appointment. And this time it will all be homemade (minus the occasional jar of organic food on-the-go). I plan to start making foods and freezing then right after his appointment. I also think I want to try to make his rice cereal (I will be using brown rice though). <br />
<br />
I may even start up a new blog. We'll see. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-60532559049828148062011-07-18T20:54:00.000-05:002011-07-18T20:54:38.435-05:00A much needed break.Aaaah. Vacation is over. Military 2 week duty is over. Took a much needed leave from FB (occasionally checked things out though). Back to the grind. <br />
<br />
DH and I have been thinking about things. He asked if we should really try for a 3rd, like can we handle it? I really should keep working, so the fact of the matter is, can DH handle a 1.5 year old and a newborn (or possible more than one with the chances I have at multiples on injectables) at night without me at home with him? <br />
<br />
A friend told me that I would have that longing for a 3rd. I feel so lucky just to have Trey, but I think there is a slight longing....a lot of it has to do with the fact that it took us so long to get to where we are now with 2 kids, we now know what it takes to get pregnant...so why not? Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6537686196534630617.post-53402710160580678942011-06-20T22:50:00.000-05:002011-06-20T22:50:00.060-05:00You’re a Mom, you’re not infertile anymore!Ummm...yea. <u>A total myth.</u> Now I know we all have our own opinions about so many things in life, but secondary infertility is a real thing. Sure, I know what it feels like to have a baby, but that doesn't mean that SIF doesn't affect me...heck, I have suffered from both primary IF and SIF and both suck. What got me thinking about this? A blog. Yea, I let it get to me. This is the 2nd time that I have read a blog about this subject. I stopped following more than a few blogs because of how I have been feeling about this.<br />
<br />
I have run into this on a few infertility blogs that I frequent, I don’t comment as I will probably just upset someone (although I did comment on one blog after I saw someone bashing women like me, women that can't get pregnant naturally and my post never showed up). Secondary infertility is a real thing. And you know what? It ain’t any better the 2nd time around as I suffered from primary IF also.<br />
<br />
<br />
So many times I heard the stories…you know the ones. Stories about couples that “gave up trying” and ended up pregnant. Or the couple that was about to have IVF and found out they were pregnant. Or how about the one of a couple that tried Clomid and it didn’t work, only to fall pregnant shortly after stopping treatment. And my FAV – the couple that was in the process of adopting or had a new adopted baby in the home and then they got pregnant. Yea, totally not me. <br />
<br />
I think that IF is different for everyone. One couple may struggle for a year, another couple may struggle for 10 years, I think that IF is IF. We all have our struggles and I can’t say that I know exactly how one of my bloggie IF friends feels, just as they can’t say the same about me. IF, loss, cycle failures…all infertiles experience so many things in IF-land...<br />
<br />
So if I have to resort to extreme measures that isn't infertility? Eh. <br />
<br />
Infertility is not cured, it is not a disease, it is something that is permanent. Eight years after being told I would never have kids I saw those 2 lines…and my life changed forever. But when I went to a new OB after TTC for a few years after DD was born, that OB told me I just needed time, and he had no clue what secondary infertility was. So many people (obviously even doctors) think that a woman can’t be infertile if they already have a child…a few years after my OB agreed to refer me to an RE, and then I was diagnosed with secondary infertility. <br />
<br />
Yep, I am a mom, became one for the first time almost 6 years ago. I count myself lucky as I was told for years that I would never get pregnant, and 8 years later I ended up pregnant with DD. So then I was finally a mom. But then what? I can’t be infertile as I have a child, right? So was my infertility behind me? So many doctors and nurses tried to tell me that I would be the most fertile after DD weas born...Ahhh...no, not so much. I will always be an infertile, and nope, my infertility is not behind me. It has already started and Trey is 3 months old…no AF in sight (nope, not breastfeeding, no milk here!)…headed back to the RE soon to see what our options are. He will be changing my meds due to the severe preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome and I am pretty curious as to what the next steps will be. <br />
<br />
Infertility has permanently changed the person that I am. No matter what, infertility hurts and for me that hurt will never go away. I can’t have that conversation and know that IF won’t be a HUGE factor…you know the one, the one that goes like this “How many kids do you want to have, and when are you going to start trying?” So many people I know would answer that with “We are DONE!” Or “DH is having a vasectomy!” Or “We want to wait until baby is XX months old so we can have them spaced out perfectly.” GAG! To have that luxury… <br />
<br />
It has been extremely hard for me to have “normal” conversations with friends. Well, I can’t. I sit and nod in agreement, but in all honesty I don’t have many people I can have an IF conversation with. No IRL friends. I have unloaded on so many people IRL, and thankfully they are good listeners as I really needed someone to listen to me. Sure, there are many people my age that struggle to get pregnant a 2nd time, but it doesn’t help me to hear that it took so-and-so 7 months and so-and-so almost a year to get pregnant with her 2nd. It isn’t IF until it has been a year of TTC. I have a few bloggy friends and message board friends that can relate to this IF journey. So many of my IRL friends don’t know about the 3 shots a day I was taking, the busted blood vessels from those darn needles, they don’t know about the hot flashes from being in menopause, or the hopeful look on the nurses face the first time I actually had follies growing, and then the utter disappointment to find that I had overstimulated, what about the fact that if we had to go a step further and go for more expensive treatments? We couldn’t afford it. But we would have done it anyway. <br />
<br />
So...on that note...Once an infertile, always an infertile.<br />
<br />
Rant over. Won't write about this again as it would be a waste of my time. I will comment on comments though...I welcome the comments...how do you feel about this?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6